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Adoption Community Information
Community Websites
| Searching for daughter |
Date Posted: 10-02-2008 at 08:29 AM |
Mood:  Through this website I have found 2 other adoption registries in Illinois which I am sending applications to today. They require handwritten registration forms. The more the better. It is my hope to see her (if she wishes to) during our lifetimes here on earth. Hopeful today. |
| Short Journey??? |
Date Posted: 10-18-2008 at 09:36 PM |
Mood:  I was emailed by a person who offered to help with my search. This was possibly a week ago! Yesterday, 10/17/08 I found out her adoptive name. Today I saw a picture of her! I am trying to see how she resembles me. Emotionally difficult. Need to take a break (I think). It seemed when the ball started rolling, it just wouldn't stop. |
| Initiating Contact |
Date Posted: 10-29-2008 at 01:58 PM |
Mood: It's been difficult knowing who she is and "possibly" having an email address to contact her at. I don't know what to say in email. Where do I start? Will she reject me? Will she be angry? What can I say in initial email that would help her in wanting to stay in touch with me? Just thoughts for today..... |
| Reality Check Today |
Date Posted: 11-09-2008 at 02:58 PM |
Mood: It's been a long time since I've entered in "my journal." There are so many emotions that come with searching, and I have been sorting through them. All of my past has come back to me fast forward. I have been remembering the day she was born, being wheeled out of the delivery room as they held her up for me to see her, holding her later in that day and watching the sunlight reflect on her "red" hair, searching every inch of her and wanting to remember everything about her, as I knew I would never be seeing her again. Being pregnant at age 16 back in 1969 was very difficult because you were "hidden" away and in my situation (and many others) was sent to unwed mothers' homes. After the process of delivery, signing papers, recuperating for a couple of weeks, and then being sent home to continue my life as if none of this happened. All very surreal. Especially since in those days it was never discussed once you returned home. Not once did anyone in my family ask me about her, or even mention that I had ever been pregnant. It was like it never happened. I have read a lot on this web site and others posts that have been made by adoptees and birth moms. My personal conclusion today is that she will always be my daughter because I have always known her and loved her and have remembered her constantly throughout my life. However, to her (if I'm lucky) I may become a friend yet never her mom. I guess I've been looking through "rose colored glasses" for 38 years because I was wanting to find my daughter so I could then be her mother. What a hoot... (not meant as funny hoot). It is overwhelming today to realize that I have been able to lie to myself for 38 years about something that can never be. She has a mom and dad whom I gave her to (not chosen of course because all adoptions were closed in those days). I hope she has been given a good live (NO - a great life)! Her adoptive parents were given the most precious gift imaginable, so I think it's fair to say they owed her a great life. After all, since I was claimed to have been too young, unable and unfit to parent my child - that must have meant they were all that I wasn't. In time my perspective of all of this may change. But isn't that what a journal is for - to go through the process of this journey. |
 Recent Comments: |
| Re: Patiently Waiting... |
By kim.scott(12-21-2008 at 09:00 PM) |
| I am thinking of you during this time. Just hold on..... |
| Re: Reality Check Today |
By williams22(11-17-2008 at 07:57 PM) |
| Did your daughter have a name, and don't give up on reaching your child. Some people as in my mothers situation want to know her mom and have not a clue to go off of because my adoptive grandmother died tragically in a tractor trailor accident in 2004 and took the information to her grave. All my mother knows is her birth last name is reaveley. |
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