| Welcome to the Forums. | Register |
| If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts. | |
| Forum Categories |
|
|
|||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||
| |||||||||||
Adoption Community Information
Community Websites
| day..8.169 |
Date Posted: 08-19-2008 at 05:36 AM |
Mood:  Today, I read a couple of post from a-parents. I had a thought of sorts, trying to imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes....When after raising a child for 18 yrs...how would I feel if the first mom or my child wanted to reunite? Would I feel like I was just a care taker for 18 yrs, then pushed aside and "replaced" by first mom who is now reday to take back what she seemingly did not want? Or would I be gracious enough to support the reunion?.......I wonder what my twins parents will think..if and when????? |
| Sept.2....finding my twin sons... |
Date Posted: 09-02-2008 at 01:26 PM |
| Today has been a tough day for me. I hired a C.I. to find my sons. She has assigned me to write a letter, this was a week ago and I have done nothing but think of what to say in a letter that is supposed to be given to themin about 3 weeks. The letter of course is in case they do not want contact from me. I know I have to do this, but why I am putting this off? What does a firstmom say to 2 sons she relinquished 22 years ago? Where do I start. I cannot give any identifying info. in the letter, so this seems to me to defeat the purpose of letting them know how I have felt for 22 yrs. I know I need to do this , but just can't make myself sit long enough. My darling groom says to just sit for a few minutes here and there and jot things down...a rough draft so to speak....Maybe tomorrow will give me hope.... |
| 8,183 days...... |
Date Posted: 09-02-2008 at 01:36 PM |
Mood: I was just thinking...what if my sons do not even want the letter from me...then what, will this make me just give into the inevitable, will this be the end to my grief...will it take me deeper into pergatory....should i just stop now...do like my son says and let sleeping dogs lay.....maybe i should just wait.........8,183 days and still wondering!!!! |
| 8,184........ |
Date Posted: 09-03-2008 at 02:52 PM |
| I some times forget that when putting things in this journal, that others may read it! I do not mind though, because I can use all the advice, good or bad , that I can get. I have hope and my dad used to say, that one should always have hope and faith, I wish he were here....I could not make myself write this letter, again another day gone. I am so unsure of how to even start the heading. I want to say something to the effect:'tO My Darling sons", but I do not know if this will be offensive to them...Do I have the right to call them my sons? In my heart they have always been my sons, but I do not want them to resent the letter right out of the starting line , so to speak! Hell, I don't even know if they know I exist!!!!! In my letter to their parents when I relinquished , I asked their Mom to let them know how much I loved them, everyday...did she do this? When I had my last night with them before my dreaded signing day, I whispered to each of them, that I would always love them no matter where they were. Do you think they heard me, or felt that in their lives? I remember after telling them how I would love them no matter what...I lifted both of their little shirts up, and listened to their heartbeats...just one last time...so I would never forget. I still hear both of their heartbeats as if it were yesterday....Do they know I exist? Will I cause pain and intrusion?......8,184 days.... |
 Recent Comments: |
| Re: SAYING GOOD-BYE...:( |
By kakuehl(03-20-2009 at 03:23 PM) |
| I'm sorry you are feeling sad. I think you are right... the metaphor of twins makes this day a bit more difficult. Blessings, Kathy |
| Re: I FEEL LIKE I AM MUTE...... |
By RavenSong(03-05-2009 at 12:34 AM) |
| Connie, is there any way you and Hottie could offer to adopt your neighbor's dog(s)? Or maybe if the dogs show up again at your place, you could hide them instead of calling Jarod and his mom? I just don't want to see you get hurt, and with Jarod's temperment, I think he could present a very real physical danger to you. I agree with seeking some kind of short-term counseling to help you through this horrible time. The abuse you witnessed is triggering your emotions and memories. I know that your mom used to beat the heck out of you when you were a child, so chances are really high that you suffer from some form of post-traumatic stress disorder. Seeing the dog get beaten the other day most likely triggered your memories. Whatever you decide to do, please keep yourself safe. I would suggest that if you ever have to talk to Jarod or him mother that you have Hottie by your side. Don't handle this thing without him... |
| Re: TODAY....I PRAY...SO HARD..SO DEEP...PLEASE HELP HER... |
By womac1(03-04-2009 at 08:04 PM) |
| I commend you also for your strength & courage. I hope and pray Jarod doesn't give you any trouble though, maybe you can get a restraining order? That guy needs to be put away! I know one thing life on the farm is never dull, I've had some pretty wild experiences myself and alot of good times too I wouldn't trade for the city any day... BEST WISHES & GOOD LUCK! P.S. I think your a wonderful person & writer. |
| Re: TODAY....I PRAY...SO HARD..SO DEEP...PLEASE HELP HER... |
By RavenSong(03-04-2009 at 05:18 PM) |
| Connie, I really admire you for standing up for what is right, for trying to protect this poor dog. Please be careful, though. It sounds like this Jarod guy can be really dangerous. If he could kill your cows in retaliation at the age of 19, how much more dangerous is he now at 25? BTW, have you ever thought about writing a book about your experiences as a farmer's wife? I love reading your journal about how you deal with the cattle and the farm. I think a lot of other people would, too. |
| Re: HOW CAN A MAN BEAT A DOG LIKE THAT...I can't stop crying....GOD... |
By womac1(02-28-2009 at 07:12 PM) |
| Oh, and one more thing if the dogs ever showed up again I would hide them and make a flying trip to St. Louis H.S. at least they would be taken care of, I'd rather do that then see them suffer & know that I helped them to a better life ! Then I could go to sleep!!!! |
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:24 PM.
