| My first journal entry and already diving into the deep stuff. I have this internship at a local adoption agency this semester and as an adoptee it's been really great to have access to all the literature on adoption, being adopted, etc. but at the same time every day I spend there is an emotional rollercoaster. Going into it I knew that it might be like this, but I guess I thought I could handle it better. I also recently decided to search for my birthmother. My parents haven't ever discouraged me from this, but they (my dad especially since he tracks the family geneaology) have gotten upset when I've expressed the feeling of isolation that not being able to trace my own family tree brings. Of course, they're my family but they can't see how I can separate my family from my "bloodline." I haven't told them about my decision to search yet and I'm not sure why. I have been examining my reasons for wanting to search and trying to figure out if I want to meet her. I have a letter from my birthmom from when I was born that explains that she didn't give me up because she didn't love me, and I know she was only 15 when I was born so why she gave me up is pretty clear-I've never really wondered why or thought she didn't love me or that I did something wrong. And of course, I want to know her name and if I look like her, but I feel like there's more to it that I can't pinpoint. I guess I just want to know if I'm anything like her outside of biology, like if she's addicted to french fries like I am, or loves musicals, or craves the spotlight like I do. I don't know. Just a lot of questions, just like all adoptees I guess. |
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