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Adoption Community Information
| Giving background info...needing to vent. |
Date Posted: 02-04-2008 at 03:01 AM |
Mood:  DD is pulling back...again. I get so scared when she does this. All we have for a relationship are emails and she might call me once a week...if she feels like it. Our relationship is totally in her power. She calls all the shots. She likes to play the martyr/victim role. She's a little goth/emo. She hates her life, but doesn't seem to want to do anything to change it herself. She feels stuck, but she doesn't want to work outside the home to have any sort of independence. She lives outside of town, and down a dirt road, so she's quite isolated. Her only friend moved to another state about 3 years ago. She lives right next door to her amother, and spends most of her time over there. Amother is good at playing at being 'needy', and very dependent on DD. My youngest daughter and I visited them last October, and witnessed all this. Amother is more capable than I am in getting around, but she has 'dizzy spells'...we didn't witness any of those, but DD had to help her in the shower so she wouldn't fall. As far as my youngest daughter and I could tell, she walked with no problem. Amother has said some hurtful things to me over the phone. She likes to rub it in about how much DD loves her, and that she knows that DD loves me, too, but she'll never leave her, that no one will ever take her place, and blah, blah, blah. For goodness sake....DD is going to be 35 next month. I'm not going to steal DD away! I would certainly like to...since I feel she was stolen from me, but darn...I already know all this...I don't need, or want to hear any of this...and who is she trying to convince? One day when we were there, amom's bio-kids (all adults older than DD) came over to meet me and my other daughter. She introduced us by saying, "This is Rosie. She's Tonya's BIRTH mother...but I'M her REAL mother." Well, gee! Did they not know that growing up with her? She can really be hurtful. She knows the reason Tonya is with her..she knows my history. I've done nothing to her. I gave her (unwillingly) one of the most precious gifts I could ever give, yet she has the attitude of ME owing HER! I even wrote her a poem right after I found DD. When I wrote it, I meant every word of it. But I have changed my mind about her since I wrote this. This is the poem: TO LOUISE Friendly and nice-you were from the start. You didn’t judge me or make me feel bad. You welcomed me like family, took me into your heart. I knew when I left, I would feel very sad. I gave you my daughter to raise as your own; I knew you would love her just like your others. I had no doubt she would have a good home; I could see that my child would have a good mother. Although through the years I regretted my decision, The memory of you eased my lingering pain. When she turned 18, I made it my mission To find her, and you, and reunite once again. That happened last year—one year ago today, And just like before, you welcomed me as yours. Health and happiness, with love for you, I pray. Thank you, dear Louise, today, and forever more. With Love to Tonya’s mother Inspired by, and written for, Louise Gossett on 8/10/06 By Rose Ekerholm, Tonya’s 1st mother I think DD's a little spoiled too, although at the same time, her afamily uses her and her husband a lot. She was talked into marrying her 2nd husband, so she didn't marry him because she loves him romantically (he knows this), she married him more for a step father for her son, and some stability, and because her aparents liked him. She's not happy in her marriage, but feels trapped. When she was married to her 1st husband, she and her husband were going to move to a different state. Her amother told child protection services that DD was beating and neglecting him (she wasn't). So, she's afraid of leaving her husband for fear of what her amother will do. The accusations were found false, but those are the lengths that her amother will go to, to keep Tonya there. As long as Tonya is married to her present husband, amother is set. She is living in a house right next door to Tonya. Tonya and her husband pay her mortgage, buy most of the groceries, fix her car, and pay all the other bills for her too. She chips in occasionally and pays part of the sewer bill, and some of the groceries. She gets $ from her late husband's Social Security, which is around $1,000 a month, and doesn't even offer to help pay the mortgage. More to come I'm sure..... |
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