superman's Journal - - Adoption Journal, Story, Experience, Blog

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Journalist: dragonfly1234	Status: Public
Entries: 49 (Private: 1)	Comments: 11
Start Date: 12-26-2006	Last Updated: 10-01-2009
Views: 2610

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# 1

The beginning

Date Posted: 12-26-2006 at 08:54 PM

Wow, this is my first time to ever write a journal. I tried writing as a teenager and the diary lasted for awhile(you always want it to be private but my mom found it later after I left for college...so the thoughts I had were not for mom to read but she did). I am not a writer by any means let alone can I spell very well.

I married rather late in life (what most people would say late) because my career was very important to me and I traveled alot. It took me along time to meet my mister right. He is an awesome man who I admire to this day.

After we were married we waited a few years before we thought that it was time to start having children. I was blessed to have a son who weighed 7 lbs. 13 ozs.

We decided that I would stay home even tho I made more money than my husband. But with his health care it evened out. We down graded on the car and began to share one car. It was tough and it was tough being a mom for the first time especially when my career was everything.

Things settled down and a routine set in for both of us. Our son grew and continued to be a joy in our lives.

When our son was about a year old we decided it was time to have another. But things didn't work the way we wanted them to. We finally sought a fertility specliast(see can't spell) and we gave up after one attempt. My husband said he was going to call our child (if we were able to conceive) mastercard because it just was out of our budget. I cried so much and wondered why God was punishing me. What did I do wrong. Everyone around me was getting pregnant, having more children. I had forgotten that I was truly blessed that I had been able to have a child(my mom kept saying you have one child isn't that enough...I did not want an only child...selfish on my part...maybe). I was able to experience the joy of carrying a child when so many others will never beable. I wish all women could have that experience. So I felt guilty when I am feeling sorry for my self that I can't have more.

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# 2

frustration

Date Posted: 12-27-2006 at 08:17 PM

I had been feeling very lonely in my feelings. I have always lacked friends because of all the travel i used to do and the moving around I did. When I met dh and married dh he had friends and family that are wonderful. He has a sister that is a year younger and a brother that is 10 years younger.

As we were going thru the lack of another child my husbands sister in law informed the family she was expecting child number 2. I had a major melt down that night. My husband had no idea what to do or how to react. I was angry and crying. I was just so angry at myself, god and anyone else that got in my way at that time. I beat the bed and shouted. It wasn't pretty. Today I can't believe I reacted that way but on the other hand I think it was the only way I could deal with my grief and pain. I just so wanted to have another child and it just was not meant to be biologicaly. I still had to get that into my head. And to forgive God that I was not meant to have more bio children.

Once I calmed down a day or two..dh and I talked. I was ready for
adoption but dh wanted to know if all avenues had been pursued with fertility. I said I could not do more fertility. It was not a guarantee and adoption was a for sure thing down the road. He had to take time to think it thru. I think its hard for the men to think about another child that isn't their own...but for me it was never a factor. You have to understand my husband was not that kind of person....he just wanted to make sure we both had thought thru everything. He did not care other than we had a child to love no matter how he or she was born.

It took sometime for both of us to work our way thru this and we began to attend adoption seminars. I was so excited. I am a person that once I set my mind on something that I want I want it now. Like when you go to shop for furniture and they say you have to order...I say what do you mean I have to order... I want it now. Thats just me. It can be a flaw or weakness. In work its a strength. So it took me alot of strength that I didn't know I had.

# 3

Going forward

Date Posted: 12-28-2006 at 09:37 PM

We went to alot of different adoption seminars for different agencies. We really like the one we originally went to that our neighbor recommended. We were told because of our age that we could only adopt internationally. So we set our sites on an agency and country only because i had an interest in that particular country.

I filled out he application and was ready to mail it in and dh said where is the money coming from. Of course I had thought about it but never really thougt we couldn't do it. All of a sudden all plans were put to a stop. No money no adoption...Again I was devestated(I threw everything into the trash...application, passports, etc.) Again I thought God was working against me. Especially when my husband is a very religious person and kept telling me that he was praying every day for it to all work out. You have to understand I at this point still did not believe that God was there for me.

# 4

We sighned....Wohooo!!!!

Date Posted: 12-30-2006 at 07:45 PM

We finally got our home equity loan to make things happen. That meant we could go forward with our adoption. We already knew what agency we were going to go with and it was going to be domestic. We decided it would be biracial and/or AA child. We were excited(I should say I was thrilled). Not only was this loan to help with the adoption but it was to help pay off all credit cards. But what happens...the heater decides to go bad. So lots of money later (you have know idea how expensive a furnace and ac can cost) were replaced. On the other hand its nice to know we will have heat and ac for many years to come with the new baby coming some time and for our son.

I called the agency we decided to let them know we were ready to go forward after a year. I called at the right time. We were able to get our office visit for the homestudy and get our class in in the same month. Which meant that things would go quickly to get approved. I was lucky or God was helping us out. I like to think it was both...lol

Our office visit to start our homestudy was a breeze. When my dh is nervous he talks non stop. So I would have to stop him at times. The class was for a day and taught us so much about everything to expect with adoption from the bmom to open adoption. We went in with one perspective and left totally open to anything that adoption would bring us. We were so excited.

We had our final interview at home to complete our home study. I was so nervous about it. We left to go visit my parents in Kansas for a week so my son could spend time with his grandparents and my dh and I could spend time at the spa. I call my parents home a spa because they have a hot tub, tanning bed, every excercise equipment you can imaging, games, and lots of land to run and play (for my son...lol) a garden and orchard (just beginning to plant with this being May). I check our phone every day atleast 5 times a day. I was so excited the day we received the voice mail to set a time to complete our homestudy. I called back and got a voice mail but thats okay. We were out of town so I said to call back when we got home.

One week later we met with our SW and spent 3 hours talking to her. It was after mothers day and my son decided that I needed a barbie because I was a girl and I need girl things. The barbie has long blong hair and our SW had long blonde hair. Our son instantly said she looks just like you. It was a great way to keep things going. She loved that he interacted with her and us.

We felt that it was a good visit and my son gave the tour of our house. It was very cute(at that time he was almost 4).

# 5

Approved!!

Date Posted: 12-31-2006 at 07:24 PM

Well as usual I saw that I miss spelled in the last entry. Of all things it was the title...lol Really I can spell but the fingers get to flying across the key board and you get what you get. I try to go back over but sometimes with kids leaning over your shoulder...mom whata doing...kind of distracts you from what your are really trying to accomplish.

Okay off the subject. After our home visit we began the wait for the approval. I was anxious but also knew that I couldn't dwell on the wait. Well the official letter arrived 2 weeks later that said we were approved and we were now waiting. I was SO excited!! A week later I went ahead and stopped by the agency and dropped off our placement fee just so it was out of the way. When we went thru our class we were told it would be about 7 months for placement. While I was in the office I was told we had already been shown to 3 different potential firstmoms. I was amazed but still thinking to be cautious because there was still nothing definite.

We talked to our son everyday that we would real soon be bringing home a brother or sister. We had a lot of conversations about how to treat a new baby and how it was going take some of mommys time away from him when feeding the baby and all that a baby involves. We even began to read books to our son about adoption and explained adoption to help prepare him for his new brother or sister.

Three weeks from the letter that approved our homestudy to say we were officially waiting we got a phone call.

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