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Adoption Community Information
| I must be crazy |
Date Posted: 01-14-2005 at 01:56 PM |
| I don't know if this is normal or not. Then again normal for me is pretty strange or at least that is what my husband says in the most loving way of course. So I got a call from our Sw that is doing our homestudy and I know that they just have to clear things up and what not, so I'm ok with that. We have nothing to hide. I did however find it strange that the person that is approving the homestudy or making sure the homestudy is worded right wanted to know more about my social life. Not my husbands just mine. Yes I am a stay at home wife and mom. I feel blessed to be able to stay home and be here for our kids. When we were dating that was one thing we had both said...that if he was not the kind of man that wanted his wife to be at home I shoud stop dating him now and he said the same, that he wanted a wife that stayed home with the kids. So back to the point, they, the SW's were worried that all I did was take care of kids. Now how is that not going to be what I'm doing when that is what my job is. They are worried that I don't get out enough. The Sw thought it would be a good idea if I, get this joined a Mommy and Me class! Now is it just me or am I crazy for this thought. If you think I take care of kids all day and you don't think I get out of the house enough without them then WHY would you want me to take a class that involves taking my kids with me?????????? I just don't get the logic of that. Now I would do anything to get my boys mind you. Of course I said yes. I'm sure it would be fun and let's face it I love spending time with my boys. Then my mind started taking over and I began thinking oh God what if I'm not good enough for them? What if on paper it is not what they think my boys need? Am I a good mom? Should I leave them more? Should I go back to work part-time? Would they see that as better? Me getting out of the house for 20 or so hours a week and putting them in daycare? Do they think it's ok that my husband doesn't have much of a social life? Wait he does work so it must be ok. I never thought that not working and staying at home would be bad. I feel much better and I feel I don't need to cry anymore over this. I am doing a great job and my boys are happy, well adjusted kids. This process can put so may doubts in my head. |
| Emotions |
Date Posted: 01-17-2005 at 10:10 PM |
| 1/17/05 I can't believe he is turning 1 in two days. I am amazed at the changes with him since the first day we met him. I am full of emotions and have been having somewhat of a hard time with them. I posted today and I got lots of support. Mostly letting me know that I am not crazy and that everything that I am feeling is normal. It is not like me to only think about the things I have missed out on with his life which is not much. Only 3 months but I hate that I can't tell him how he came to be or even where he was born, what time, his first sound ............. and so on. I have so many great memories of him. The first roll, the first time he got his favorite toy, his first words.................... and so on. I am going to do my best to not think about these things and to just enjoy the day. On another note I am wondering if my heart will open fully to our youngest. I know that it is possible he will be with us forever, a very long haul it will be. I am just protecting myself and part of me wants to stay that way so I don't hurt later if it turns out to be that he is ment to be with his bparents. My feelings on my kids bparents will be for another day. That is another set of strange emotions. I wonder what bparents (those that raise their kids) emotional ups and downs are in regards to their kids. I know the triad of adoption is just an emotional roller coaster. That is what makes life so worth living. |
| 1/20/05 |
Date Posted: 01-20-2005 at 11:00 AM |
| I had been going thru all these emotins about my son's b-day and it was such a good day. I can't believe he's 1. He is such a joy to have. He's full of laughs and smiles, sometimes I really can't believe that he is with us. I don't know what I did to get blessed this way but WOW. We got this pictures taken yesterday, he didn't smile much but he gave one grin, mad dog type face and that was the one. we got him a little cake and he didn't eat it but he did a great job of squeezing it. Our 8 month old loved the cake. His party is with his cousin on Saturday, they are only 3 days apart. I find it hard to write with my husband home, so I will write later tonight when he's gone. |
| Finally I have some time...........................kinda! |
Date Posted: 01-29-2005 at 11:50 AM |
| 1/29/05 My boys are playing in the room with me and they just shut the door and started laughing! How can that get any better?? I have had so many thoughts in my head and have not had time to type them down. We are 35 days until TPR for D. I am so worried that it will not go thru. If it does not then it will be fine, I will be fine sooner or later. I'm glad that we have provided him with a great home and lots of love, so which ever way it works I just want him to have a wonderful life. B finally had a visit after month of not seeing his bparents. I do not understand how a bparent can claim that they love them and want them back and miss them and yet don't show up to see them. WHY would you do this to your child. A child who did not ask for this and by any means does not deserve this. I don't know if I'll ever be able to understand what they are thinking. B's bfather told me at the visit this week that he saw us at court and that he couldn't get their on time because of the bus. Catch an early one, get a ride, call a taxi, I know you know how because you've done it before. This is your child, come on. They need you to get it together. Before you all think bad about me and say I have no compassion..................... well I don't sometimes. I do if this is your first dealing with CPS or you don't beat your kids or do drugs while your pregnant and claim you don't. I do understand that people get into trouble and need help. When this is your 5,6,7,10 child no I don't have much compassion for you. For your childern, yes all in the world it is not their fault. Yes I am grateful that you decided to have your child and I know that if it wasn't for all those things I would not have had all the amazing kids in my home nor would I hopefully be adopting my two boys. To sum it up................... it is a double edged sword......................... |
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