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Adoption Community Information
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| Can anyone relate or CARE? |
Date Posted: 05-27-2006 at 09:43 AM |
| Hello all fellow adoptees. I am in extreme wanting of another adoptee friend. I have very few friends. I don't know. Maybe it has something to do with being abandoned in my early years. Who knows, who cares? Well, I suppose I do. I'm just angry. Nobody quite seems to understand or really care. I have a 21 yr old daughter a nineteen yr old (drug addict) whom my older girls' father lives in Colorado with his new wife, helping her (or maybe hindering, ha ha). He's an ex- addict, practicing alcoholic. Well, I started over again, I also have a six yr old daughter and a 13 month old son, and I don't think I have EVER in my life felt so ****ing lonely and alone in this world, you know. I put so much effort into my relationships with the father of my children, then when it doesn't work out, it sucks, big time. Then it seems like everyone else has family. My adoptive parents only adopted ME and they passed away when I was in my twenties. My adoptive father was cruel to me after my adoptive mother passed away. I don't have the money to do a search, but I want to know about the circumstances of my adoption, or I want to meet my birth parents or siblings, maybe there's somebody out there, you know, but it takes money, and these self-searches aren't real expensive but take a lot of time and I just don't have it with a 13 month old. I have not one person who seems really interested in whether or not I find out any info or whatever about my birth parents. I mentioned to my 21 yr old daughter that it only costs 39.00 or so on a credit card to be able to join one of those search places to look for info and stuff about people, Oh ****in well. I say that but I'm really ****ing pissed off, so if anyone can relate or even truly cares I would love to get a message back. I'm new to this online stuff, and to this site. Please help in anyway you can, I feel so lonely, alone and frusterated. Thanks for taking the time to read my entry. LLAPHoping |
| Adoptee Strength |
Date Posted: 05-31-2006 at 10:08 PM |
| It's weird lately, a lot of my neighbors parents have been passing away. I feel so wronged. My adoptive parents passed away when I was in my twenties. Been there, done that. With a double-edged sword. I don't know if there's anyone else out there who was a late discovery adoptee,(Though, i had a feeling, growing up.....). I guess I'm a bit bitter. I was an only child adoptee too. Anyways, I kind of got off the subject, if anyone who is reading this and was an only child adoptee and your parents(adoptive) passed away when you were fairly young, I would sure like to know. I don't know anything about my adoption circumstances, except that MAYBE I lived with my grandmother until about 18 months to 2 years and then was adopted. My adoptive mother passed away not knowing I KNEW. Then my adoptive father was downright cruel when I tried to establish a relationship with him. I guess enough whining for now, though I guess it's not really. I have a deep genuine understanding of what it's like to be alone and not think anyone can relate, to the point at one time that I took 150 pills and was in a coma for 5 days. The doctor said I wouldn't live. Well, here I am! So, as far as my title to this entry, my heart goes out to all of you adoptees and you probably already know where I'm coming from when I talk about adoptee strength. I'm not sure how to go about posting on forums, if anyone has any advice, or can walk me through it in a message I'd appreciate it. I'll try to figure it out though, myself. All for now, thanks for taking the time to read my entry. |
| Looking for search angels |
Date Posted: 06-21-2006 at 03:32 PM |
| Hello again. I am pretty sure my adoption was finalized in Orange County Ca. but how do I know that for sure? I am confused as to what facts are the truth on my adoptive birth certificate. If anyone can give me some insight on this orhas any knowledge I would definitely be grateful. My birth certificate says it was not recorded into the registrars until april 5, 1968, but yet I was born on 3-30-65. My aparents had many relatives in Iowa and Illinois. We always lived in California. Who do I write to exactly to get non id info. Maybe I should have posted this on a thread instead, oops. I'm slowly getting the hang of all this. I'm a newbie at this computer online stuff. Thanks and bye for now. Thanks for the support and comments! Sincerely, |
| Denial? No words, the pain I've kept at bay for years, Oh but why now? |
Date Posted: 09-02-2006 at 01:52 AM |
Mood:  Why now? I am forty-one years old. I have no close friends. I'm just recently divorced, AGAIN. Been reading Primal Wound. I understand a little more now. Primal. I knew. I knew this dark secret that has felt debilitating in the past 15 years or so. Mental hospital trips. I feel more safe there. I'm so alone. My aparents been gone since I was in my twenties. I was a better mother to my two older children I feel and that makes me feel like ****. This fear of abandonment that creeps into my relationships. How am I supposed to FEEL? When I need to do grief work but I have not a support person and have made the mistake of telling my seven year old too much of my "STUFF". Hmmm, is that what I think of my feelings? STUFF. Oh how I cry to you fellow adoptees who might understand. I was the compliant child. My aparents were stable. The secret was always there. They never told me I was adopted. I'm sure they had they're reasons. Or maybe it was because of my adoptive father, who consequently after my amother passed away, proceeded to let me know what a piece of **** he thought he was and that "Yes, he is bitter" He wrote in a letter that "Yes, I was adopted!" After lying a few times and telling me my head was screwed on backwards. OUCH. OUCH .... I feel so alone. i don't have any relatives to care about my children but me. That puts this pressure on me that I can't describe and at the same time makes me feel so sad for my 7 year old daughter, who is trying to cope the best she can with my depression and sadness. And my emotionally not being there for her lately because I'm so caught up in pain. I feel like I have no privacy... I have a 16 month old son, he's quite usy. I WANT TO SCREAM. I WANT TO BITE AND KICK AND>>>> I feel so frusterated. I feel so ****ing LONELY. ALONE. Not coping well. NO support. MY 19 year old daughter on drugs living who knows where. Been through so much. My 22 year old daughter--doing fine. They're all Ihave. HELP. But now am I just being the victim here, just read Primal Wound. I"m scared. The losses inmylife have been so IMMENSE. I don't know how it isthat I'm still here. I've cried so many tears. I WANT TO SCREAM AT THEM. AT MY ADOPTIVE parents for never telling me the truth, at the courts and the judge who denied my request for confidential adoption information. Where are you, my mother??? Are you still alive?? I am 41 but I STILL NEED YOU. I have beautiful children! Do you want to find me? Are you even alive?? I WANT TO KNOW I WANT TO KNOW I WANT TO KNOW IWANT TO KNOW. zi want someone else to care about whether or not I find her. I want my daughter {22 yr old} to care and quit being so self-centered. I'm going to cry now I think. I feel alone. I want to know. Most adoptees are told SOMETHING about birth parents. OEITOIHWGFNsklaL:KNKLJSDLKjgkl I'm angry about that. ANGRY ANGRY and I can be angry. Are you angry? Can anyone hear me? All for now I guess. I WANT TO KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!! |
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