| Welcome to the Forums. | Register |
| If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts. | |
| Forum Categories |
|
|
|||||||||||||||
|
|||||||||||
| |||||||||||
Adoption Community Information
Community Websites
| I was told I should do this... |
Date Posted: 03-23-2006 at 08:17 PM |
| Another reason I even looked into becomeing a foster parent was I was told by several people that I should do it. I said, "single guys don't do that" and someone showed me an article in a magazine about a single guy that did... He adopted a preteen special needs kid... exactly what I'm doing right now! When A was 13 & 14 he had a friend named S who was 12 (2002). S was also quite ADHD and didn't have much. A wanted to do things with him from time to time. I reluctently agreed at first. I liked the kid, but they got so hyper when they were together it wore me out. One day I took the boys go carting or bowling or something and then I took S home. Nobody answered the door when he knocked on it and he got real upset. He wanted to leave with me again... I thought to myself, I don't know this kids parents well, I can't just take him home with me, but he didn't want to be left there... and I really didn't want to just leave him on the curb on the east side of town after dark... I didn't know what to do!! Luckily I still had A with me, so we went on to A's house with S still with us. I ended up calling his grandparents and took him to their place... Now as I look back at it, he knew exactly what his parents were doing, they were making meth... or using it. I know now that was what was so upsetting to him... After that incident, I willingly took S with us a lot more. I learned to like him and didn't like that he was in that situation. When his parents were finally arrested and put in prison, S moved in with the grandparents. They had their hands full with him and I took him from time to time, even overnight... this is when people told me I should become a foster parent. He liked to be with me and I enjoyed having him around. He always commented on my cooking... of course I had to buy him some clothes, as he didn't have much. A became very jealous... but then this was about the time that A met T... A was spending more time with T and S kind of took over the time I had been spending with A... As I look back, it's amazing how things timed out (January/February 2003)... I was never completely overwhelmed... just about the time that S was put into treatment himself (didn't handle parents being in prison, hard time at grandparents, lots of anger, running away, threatening aggression...) at that time A & T told me they were expecting... so with S out of the picture, except for visits, I was then very busy with A & pregnant T. |
| Thinking back to the winter of 2004-2005... |
Date Posted: 12-09-2007 at 03:17 PM |
| I learned more about myself during that winter... A & T had moved out, and I had the whole house to myself... I had decided to become a foster parent and in November I started taking the PS-MAPP classes. I was asked questions I had not prepared myself to answer... other questions took a lot of thought, I learned a lot about myself. I was to finish the class in February and was told I should have my foster care license by March... as it is 2007 as I write this, some memories are a bit sketchy... but I thought I should do foster care as I figured I'd be a good person for the job, deep down inside I wanted to adopt... I'm glad the class prepared me to be eligible to do both. The license arrived in my mailbox in March, I think... but I remember about 3 days before I got it, a social worker wanted to come meet me. She had two boys who needed a home. I politely told her I hadn't received my certification yet, and she replied, "oh, you're approved and we're ready to work with you. You'll get it in the mail soon. When can I stop by, I want to tell you about these boys." She came over and we talked about the 8 and 9 year old brothers... I was prepared to take them. It was all set to happen (even though my license hadn't come in the mail yet). She said they had been in foster care before and would probably be up for adoption once the termination happened, she knew the parents and felt they wouldn't fight it this time. Two days later my license came along with a phone call saying they had found a home for the two boys with some relatives that came forward from another town... I was disappointed... I went on to turn down many potential foster placements as they were all 16 year olds, 15 year olds, etc. who seemed to have been locked up in detention or were coming out of some boot camp facility... they just didn't seem like quite the right match... I always felt my impact on them would be more beneficial if they were younger... plus I wasn't really wanting to just be another placement in someones life, i wanted permenancy. It hurt me when A & T moved out with baby L... even though it was time... I was preparing myself to be ready for the empty nest again... but not really. I continued to say no, over and over to the many calls... all not seeming to fit with what my dream was... those two boys sounded perfect, why did they have to be placed somewhere else? Would the right kid(s) ever come along? I wasn't sure. Then, the first week of June, 2005, I got a call at work... I don't usually answer my cell phone, but I was at lunch so I answered it... about a 12 year old boy who attended the school I taught at... he and his 2 year old brother. I politely declined saying I couldn't prepare myself for a 2 year old that quick. She said she had some people they'd only take the two year old, but she wanted to keep them together so she'd keep calling people. Well, about 2 hours later she called back asking if I'd take the 12 year old... she found a place for the little brother. I hesitated. Then she said, "Well, I've called everybody. My next call will be to the youth shelter to see if they have any open beds. Will you take him, at least until I can find some family for him?" Ok, now how could I turn that down. I knew exactly what kid it was... I asked her to give me 20 minutes, then I'd call her back... I quickly looked up his record on the computer and saw he had never been suspended or had any referrals from any teachers. I asked the dean of students if she knew E, she asked why, and I said I was just curious, I thought I knew him from someplace and she went on about what a good kid he is, but must have a sad life as he seems so down and depressed all the time... but that he was one of her favorites... so I went back up to my classroom and asked someone to cover my class for a few minutes, then went to the teachers lounge and called the worker back... the rest is history. I picked E up at the hospital at 3:30 and took him home. His first words were, "Wow" when he walked in and saw the big open staircase and felt how cold I kept the A/C. He noticed my guitars right away and we talked for hours. As of 2007, I still have E. His mothers parental rights were never terminated, but he will be with me permenantly. He is such a good kid, and I'm lucky to have him. He is not depressed and down all the time anymore. He is very helpful around the house and doing pretty well in school... You just never really know what you're getting into when that phone rings.... As of right now, I still have an active foster care license (need one to keep E), but am on their "do not call" list... even though I did not adopt him, he will always be my forever child and I'll be a part of his forever family. |
 Recent Comments: |
There are no Comments. |
All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:13 AM.
