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I don't like any of the Democrat "candidates" they are running- Especially Jimmy Smits- maybe just because I am not fond of him as an actor. Here I am rambling about political candidates that aren't real- crazy. 
Adoption Community Information
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| on being an adoptive mom to a new baby |
Date Posted: 01-28-2005 at 10:57 AM |
| Why is it that people feel like they must comment on how good you look when hearing how old a new baby is? Ever since we brought our adoptive daughter home two months ago, people look at me astounded because I look so good for having a baby that young. Of course, I've lost all my baby weight- I didn't have any! Sometimes, I tell them we are adopting her- which get some other interesting remarks- and other times, I just smile and not say anything. Or take for example, taking my daugther to her well baby check-ups at the doctor's office. I've had my doctor for 7 or 8 years now- he knows me (and my whole family -since he is my parents', siblings', nephew's dr. as well) but his nurses always surprise me with either their lack of attention to what is going on. The first check-up Natalie had, the nurse, who helped on my annual exam not that long before and who has been my dr's main nurse for over a year, looks at me and says I didn't know you were having a baby! All I could say was that we were adopting her. Yesterday, I took her in for her two month appointment. Different nurse, as his usual was out of town, so I wasn't surprised to hear her ask if I was breastfeeding. I said no, we are adopting. And she says, "Really? Internationally or domestically?" I looked down at my undressed daughter on the exam table and said, "Her!" She did look a little embarrassed though once I said that. Every time anyone asks about Natalie, they ask about "How are things going??" in a not so subtle reference to her birthmom and our open adoption relationship. They really don't understand it, no matter how hard we try to educate them about it. My two sisters closest to me (one is older, one is younger) both had babies around the time Natalie arrived in our lives. They both have made comments about why would Natalie's birth mom, L, would want to visit? Once she brought a friend, and that actually turned into an argument with one of my sisters about why we chose to let L's friend come. I have tried to get them to read some of my open adoption books but neither has taken me up on the opportunity and even told me that they think I don't listen to what they are thinking about the situation! It is our relationship with L, not theirs -ARGH!! But for all their doubts about the open adoption part, they love their niece to pieces and we still have the same relationship we always have had. Okay, so I am supposed to be working, so back to the boring old job- at least it is part-time and it is Friday!!! |
| a neverending battle... |
Date Posted: 01-31-2005 at 04:35 PM |
| Grief & loss seem to be a neverending battle for me. For the most part, I'm happy in my life- I have a wonderful husband, a daughter I am fascinated with and I adore and a great extended family and one slightly crazy cat (who is currently racing around the family room batting a baby shoe). But I have recurring moments of grief, reminders of the losses in my life. I always seem to find myself thinking about such things when I've been home all day without much to do (other than the typical wife/mother duties). Today, I was talking with my sister about my paternal grandmother who is approaching the end of her life and has regressed back to this state of only a few moments of lucidity. It reminded me of my childhood and how much of my childhood was filled with family- cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. Thinking about my childhood inevitably brings me back to my cancer battle, now 22 years ago next month. I find myself grieving more now for the losses I had then. Ignorance is bliss when you are fighting cancer as a five-year-old. My sudden realization of what that battle involved never really occurred to me until I was 14 years old attending a fine arts camp. Here I was surrounded by a bunch of strangers, a cabin of girls I didn't really know, watching the drama campers perform skits and monologues, when this girl comes out wearing a scarf on her head and begins a monologue about being a cancer patient. It is as vivid now as it was then...I started to shake and have that tight feeling in my throat of impending tears. My eyes blurred and opened like floodgates and I had that moment of lucidity about what I had been through. My life hasn't been truly the same since.... And I'm tired of remembering. |
| money blahs |
Date Posted: 02-01-2005 at 09:06 PM |
| Money drives me crazy. I have these great goals for financial management and planning, yet they fade away into an oblivian of debt. Not the "OMG we can't make our house payment, car payment, need to go bankrupt" kind of debt, but the kind that "no matter how much you pay never seems to get any less". A lot of it is my own doing (which makes it worse!) and then we actually seemed to be making some progress, due to my husband's job, we chose to move closer to his place of work, which of course set us further backwards than we had been before! I think this is bothering me more than ever for two reasons: 1. I'm working part-time and I know I could get a better paying job if I went full-time and could pay off the debt faster. However, the only time, I've worked full-time, I was continually stressed, sick, depressed and I am terrified of ending up that way again. Is paying it off faster worth that? 2. We've been blessed with our daughter through open adoption and I really want to be a stay-at-home mommy. Ugh, it depresses me to continue to think about it. I'm tired, Natalie needs a night time bottle and diaper change. So off to bed I go. |
| on the beginning of an open adoption |
Date Posted: 02-11-2005 at 09:40 PM |
| Lately, I have thinking about my daughter's birthfamily. Probably because the hearing for parental rights termination is this week Wednesday. Her birthmom is young, still finishing high school and I know she is anxious to get the hearing over with. We offered to go with her but she decided she would rather just go with her counselor and her family, which I totally understand. If I were in her shoes, I probably wouldn't want in essence a reminder of what the hearing meant right there in front of me. When we meet, she seems to be doing all right with the adoption plan but I wonder if she really is or is it just a front she puts on for us. She always seems to be thanking us for being willing to visit, send her pictures, and give her updates about Natalie. Other than following through on what we say we are going to do, I wish I knew how to reassure her. I mean we want her to be a part of Natalie's life. Maybe it is because we are still at the beginning of our relationship. L's family is great. We've only seen L's parents once since Natalie was born but we are supposed to go there on Sunday for a visit, so I hope they are there. Again, we hope they will continue to be a part of Natalie's life as she grows up. It is really important to us that that connection is there for her. But I don't want to force anything on them they don't want to do. On her birthfather, M.... I think about him but I don't really know how I feel. I am all for birthfathers' rights but, in this case, while he has known since the beginning that L was pregnant and making an adoption plan, he has avoided nearly all contact with L, with the agency, with anyone who has tried to reach him. He knows Natalie is here but he hasn't done anything. How would I feel if he showed up the hearing and asked for custody? Devastated, angry that he waited so long. I know that there are those who say that no matter what birthfathers should have automatic custody if the birthmother signs off...but if they deliberately avoid the mother during her pregnancy, do not acknowledge the baby's arrival, and then three months later, decide they are entitled to parent because they have a biological tie, that bothers me. Most likely, based on all previous conversations and opinions of those who know him, he won't show at the hearing but I have an underlying fear that he will. We already determined if he did want contact, we would be willing to help set up a relationship. I don't know, I'm tired...think I will go to bed |
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