Searching for birth parents - My search - Adoption Journal, Story, Experience, Blog

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Journalist: Sniffles157	Status: Public
Entries: 9 (Private: 0)	Comments: 1
Start Date: 09-06-2005	Last Updated: 10-13-2006
Views: 1593
Description: My search

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# 1

My search up until now

Date Posted: 09-06-2005 at 11:06 PM

Mood:

I actully first started searching when I turned 18 years old. All I was searching for was a name so I could do some research on my ancestors. I have always wanted to know who I looked like and I can remember one time in science class we had a project to do about who we took after. I could not do it and to tell the truth it still bugs me to this day.
I started by contacting the agency that I was adopted from. On Dec. 23, 1991 I got a response back that told me the only information that they could release was my non-id which included newborn record, notes taken while birthparents were at the home, and questionnaires. It would cost me at least $100 for them to do this.
I then was told by a friend who found her birth mom to go and petition the courts to have my records open. I contacted the court to see how much it would cost, went to the law library and found out how to write the petition and then went home and typed my letter to the judge on June 7,1994. It just happened to be the same judge who handled my case in the first place. Well do to lack of money I could not petition just yet. So I went down to the local library and searched the birth indexes for my birth number. I knew I would not be listed in the indexes under my adopted name because my final adoption did not take place until two years after I was born due to the fact my birth father had not signed away his rights. Well the person who used the microfilm last did not bother to rewind it so I started at Z and got to T before I stopped. It is a very long task to sit at that machine all day and search through all of those names.
I had to put off my search for awhile because I got married and had a child my beautiful baby boy, too bad his father did not turn out to be the best person I believed he was. You know I really should of listened to my parents, but we live and learn and if I did I would not have Christopher. When we divorced I moved back in with mom and dad and started my search again. This time I had my mom's help. We went back to the library and this time we started with A and got to F. We should of kept going a little further, but that is for later. I slacked of on my search and when I finally moved out and had my own apartment I decided to try to petiton the judge again. I wrote the next petition on Apr. 15, 2000. This time when I called the court to find out how mush it would be I got a very rude lady who told me they do not open records and she hung up on me.
I then went online at a friends house and posted on a registry that is no longer around now and I never heard anything. I gave up searching until June 2005 when I finally got the internet.
By now I am remarried to a wonderful guy and we have a beautiful daughter named Cammie. He is also an adoptee and he knew his birth mother, but he has no desire to find his birth father.
I started posting on a couple of web sites then I found one that deals with adoptions in Texas only so I posted there. After I posted I searched the archives and found nothing. I was about to log off when I got an e-mail from a search angel. She wanted to know if the birth number she had found matched mine. It did so I wrote her back and asked her what it meant and she told me that this was my birth mother. I was actually in a state of shock. After all these years I finally had a name. The ironic thing about it was we had a last name the whole time. My decree of adoption listed "Baby Girl Hatfield" we had always thought the courts just put it in there. I called my mom the next day and told her what happened. The first thing she told me was to go back on and post my brother's info. I also told her if we had just stayed a little longer at the library that day we would of found it on our own. I guess God has His reasons.
With a friend of mine we searched the marriage records and found out that my birth mom married two months after I was born. I loked at all of the info that I had on my birth parents and noticed that the guy she married was abotu a year off in age from my birth father. I also noticed that the county they were married in was the same county that the lawers found an address on my birth father when they were searching for him to sign the papers. I have a gut feeling that my b-mom married my b-dad, but I could be wrong.
After this the information just came pouring in. I now have her current address and phone number. She lives in a different state now. I also have her parent's name, brother's name and a current address and phone number on him. I have found out on my own that her father has remarried at least three times. I can not find anything on her mother, but someone found out that her mother had two children by another man after I was born.
I decided at that point I really wanted to have contact with my birth mom. I had thought and prayed over it, spoke to family, and I even spoke to my pastor. In my heart I knew I had to try and take the first step. I am not really expecting her to contact me back. I do not want to get my hopes up just to have them explode in my face. I feel that this is something that I have to do. I will be hurt if she does not want contact with me, but I will understand that it is her decision. I wrote her a letter on July 12, 2005 and I will put it in another entry.
I found a e-mail address for my mother and with the help of a search angel who has e-mail tracker, we sent her an e-mail. This was in the first part of Aug. 2005 and the e-mail has not even been open yet. I think this was an old address for her or the wrong one.
I also found a web site that had a letter written by my great-grandfather. It was about geneology and family history. I sat there and read the letter with tears running down my face. How I wish I could of met the man. I did contact the owners of the site to verify if this was the same person I thought it was. I did not tell them who I was at first because I did not want to upset anyone. I recieved a reply back that they would check for me. The lady said that they really did not know my great grandfather or his family at all her father-in-law only met him once. I replied back and told her who I was and why I was searching. I also told her that I have had no contact with my birth mom. They replied back and welcomed me to the family. They explained they were distant cousins of mine and they will send me a picture of my great grandfather.
I still have not heard back from my birth mother and it has almost been two months now. I have been advised to write another letter and this time send it certified. I also have had help in writing it. I felt the first one was very impersonnal and I have hopefully fixed that in the second one. After reading both of them they are as different as night and day, but the second one has a little more heart and feeling to it. I will put it also in another entry.
Well I have accomplished what I first set out to do and that was to find a name and some family history. According to the distant cousins most of my ancestors are buried in a city close to here. I also read in my great-grandfather's letter that his dad built most of the buildings in this city and some are still standing today. The neat thing about that is that my dad worked in that city for about 20 years until he retired. So we are going to take a road trip together some day when we have the time.
This entry has taken up to date everthing that I have done in my searching for now and I hope that I will be able to add a reunion to it one of these days.

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# 2

First letter to b-mom

Date Posted: 09-06-2005 at 11:10 PM

Mood:

July 12, 2005

Dear T,

My name is Angela and I received your name and address from the volunteer searchers at txcare.org. I am searching for my birth parents and I was given the information that I was born Baby Girl Hatfield on Nov. 14, 1973. They also gave me a current address so I am contacting you to see if I have the correct person. If you are not the same person then please contact me so I can keep searching.

If you are the person I am looking for, I will understand if you want no contact with me at all. I do not want to disrupt the life you have now and I am afraid that this letter might do that, but I have thought and prayed about it and in my heart I really want to know if you are my birth mother. If you have any information on my birth father please let me know. If you do not respond to this letter I understand and I will never try to contact you again.

I do want to let you know that I admire and respect you for giving me up for adoption. I have two beautiful children and I do not think I could make the same sacrifice that you did. I also want to thank you, I was given to a wonderful and supportive family. My adopted parents always told me that I was adopted and they have helped me search for my birth parents. I also want you to know that I am safe, healthy, and happy.

Again, I want you to know that I will understand if you do not want to contact me and I will never bother you again. I know that this is probably a shock to you and I am very sorry if I have disrupted your life. I have been searching for you for years now and as soon as I got the internet I found out within a few hours who you were. As I said before, I knew in my heart that I had to try and contact you. Again, thank you for giving me the chance at such a wonderful life.

# 3

Second letter to b-mom

Date Posted: 09-06-2005 at 11:59 PM

Mood:

Dear T,
Hi, how are you doing? My name is Angela Gayle and we were with each other for a short time in Nov. 1973. I am aware of some of the things you were going through in those years and I hope that life has gotten better for you since then. I have thought and prayed for youmany times since then and I hope that we can get together again soon. I have so much admiration and respect for you and I want you know that because of you I have lived a wonderful life.

I have two beautiful children of my own, one is 10 and the other is 2. We are living a short distance from where I grew up, but due to my husband's job we may have to move. Right now I really want to move, but it will take time to get everything ready. We have not actually made the final decision yet either.

My family has been very wonderful and supportive of me throughout the years and I know that they send many thousand thank yous and love to you. I have grown up in such a caring and loving enviroment. They have given me so many wonderful memories that I hope to share with you.

I have been trying to go through tis search process for 10 years now and as soon as I got on the internet it only took me a few days. I was very shocked and suprised as I am sure you are now. I do realize that this may be very difficult for you and I want you to know that you have my love and understanding.

I am very excited and joyful about this and I hopeand pray that we will speak with each other soon. My door will always be open.

At the bottom of this letter is my contact information and I hope and pray that we will be able to see each other again. I wish this letter brings you happiness and peace and I hope you know that I am coming to you with love in my heart.

# 4

Response to a posting I made on another site

Date Posted: 09-07-2005 at 01:39 PM

Mood:

I received an e-mail today from a gentleman who saw the registry post I had on another site. He wants to know how much info I have on my b-mom because he has found a lot already. He would like to speake with me personally and he said he would try to contact my birth mom to set up a meeting between us. I don't really know what to think about this. He said he does this as a free service and will not charge me for it. I do know I want to talk to him and see if he has any other information, but I do I know for sure to trust him?

# 5

I finally did it !

Date Posted: 09-16-2005 at 10:54 PM

Mood:

Well today I finally did it, I copied the second letter to my b-mom today and I went to the post office beforre I chickened out and sent it certified. The ball is now in her court, but I am scared. The what-ifs are popping up again. I am actually second guessing myself and of course it is too late.

I guess it also comes from the fact that the guy has not called me back and given me an update. Of course stupid me deleted his e-mail and now I have no way to contact him. I was going to tell him to stop because she either has caller-id or has a feeling who is trying to contact her.

Well that is enough rambling for now.

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