Mood: 
Why?
Why?
WHY?
Why did I do something so stupid and so permanent?
Why did I put myself in such a lame position?
Why did I believe everyone else instead of finding real answers for myself?
Why couldn't I see how hard this was going to be?
Why, in light of all society knows today, can't we undo closed adoptions?
Why am I shut out like a leper now that he is grown?
Why am I so threatening to "her" wellbeing?
Why is a broken system based on lies and secrecy and shown to be detrimental to all still allowed to perpetuate?
Why wont he come looking for me?
Why wont he write to get his records so he can see how much I need him?
Why can't I just get over this and "get on with my life"?
Why can't I be allowed to let out some of this grief without others accusing me of dwelling on "the past"?
Why doesn't anyone see me as a mother who has a lost child FOREVER, not just once 24 years ago?
Why did I have to be so stupid?
Why did I think I had to be accepted by others at any cost?
Why does the thought of my lost child plague me every single second of every single day, knowing he refused contact?
Why does he not want to know me?
Why am I so off limits?
Why can't all parties just let down their defenses and talk like real people?
WHY???
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