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Adoption Community Information
| back to the beginning/weekend with D |
Date Posted: 10-19-2006 at 07:59 AM |
| Well...here we are starting the process all over again. I'm filling out questionair's, waiting for referral letters to come back in, scheduling physicals at the Dr for my dh's impossible schedule (last year he missed 3 Dr.s apt due to emergencies!) I have to say this is not fun, yes it is exciting, but this is not fun and I even feel a little depressing for me. I have to discuss and explain my life away. All of our personal details thrown up in 40 questions. I understand this is necessary but I don't have to like it. I'm sorry to complain....but I'm tired of the paperwork. I think we will get everything but the physical done by Saturday. I hope to have it all mailed in by Monday...still have to wait for the other stuff. Then I imgaine we'll be fingerprinted AGAIN (this will be #3 in a year!) one for foster care, one for M's step parent adoption and now one for this adoption...one would think it would be okay to use one of the 2 checks we just had done? Its not the agencies fault its a government regulation. I understand why, but I just wish I could fast forward through this whole process! Thanks for letting me vent! On a good note. we were able to have D for the weekend. Oh my gosh is he getting cute and doing so well!!! I love that little guy. His mom doesn't have a lot of extra right now. He's being taken care of but not enough for anything else. So I helped her get him a halloween costume. He was so adorable, a little lion. He loved it so much (hey this is unusual for a 21 month old!) that he refused to take it off  Talk about melt your heart cute. The hard part is that everyone who saw us with him later on in the weekend thought his mom had messed up and he was back with us. I don't know why that was hard. I was happy to tell them that we were just babysitting but it made it hard for me to realize how people view his mom. I feel what she has done is incredible. I wish I could convey that to others better...I think they feel I"m being naive?? I'm not stupid people...anyway our family had a fabulous time with D's mom and D this weekend so who cares what everyone else thinks? I think it just hurts me for her and for D, I want her to have respect so that D will have the best possible life he can have. L |
| Adventures in the SAHM life |
Date Posted: 10-23-2006 at 06:48 AM |
| After telling M at least 10 times not to forget her packet for school pictures this morning I get a call from her saying she left it in the car. I was pretty upset, this is starting to become a habit as if now that I'm at home and not at work its okay for mom to bring whatever whenever....we'll have a talk tonight about being responsible and that from now on if we forget it its too late. I know sounds harsh but this is about the gazilionth time its happened this school year and I reminded her as she was getting out of the car to bring this with her and she left it anyway! While stomping out of the house ready to go and give my dd a little guilt trip I got a call from our lawyer that our adoption date for M is coming soon, so....most of my annoyance was gone and I remembered how much My M does for me everyday and the joy I have in being her mom. still going to have the talk but I didn't ruin her day at school with a guilt trip. I went for a little drive and was thinking about this picture I recently had developed of C. C is such a beautiful child. SHe's the kind of pretty that has me worried. My SIL is like that and it hasn't done her any favors in life. Outside packaging is pretty much the deepness of her perspective in life and her looks get her just about anything she wants...one would think this would make her happy but she is about the most miserable self centered person I have known. so....I worry because thats what I do best. Anyway I was thinking about it cause C is also getting her picture today. This morning she was making all sorts of funny faces in the mirror practicing smiling without showing her teeth, I asked her why and she explained that she didn't want a picture without her teeth. I told her that she had to give us a big smile because this is the only year we will have a school picture without teeth and its the cutest thing to everyone else. This made her grin from ear to ear. So I worry, I know I'm silly, but what 1st grader thinks of these things? I don't want my daughters to be into the surface aside from being clean/clothes appropriate as in no 6 and 10 year old hoochie mama's. Anyway C is already noticing these outside things so much more then M did at her age. I have to wonder if it is becaue of all the "surface" attention she gets? Or is it simply the way she was wired? I don't know...I was so into the outside that i drove myself nuts. I know its normal..but it is something I had hoped i could deprogram my children on, at least as before the age of 12 years and let them just be kids. So I'm driving and worrying about C and I think about this beauitful picture I took of her at my parents house. She looks like a little angel, her eyes stand out and are the most beautiful blue, the lighting is perfect...and she is holding a tiny water snake up to her cheek. My parents have a small oasis in the desert, a small stream in the backyard is loaded with toads and water snakes, after catching a small gardner snake one day my dad had explained to the girls not to pick up any snakes unless they asked him first because they could be rattle snakes. I played with water snakes all of my life (I had 4 brothers) and never once came close to a rattle snake unless we were out in the badlands...but my dad is like me he worries. So one afternoon C shows up with this baby water snake curled around hand, brings it in the house, and asks Grandpa if its a rattle snake.....had to take a picture. I thought about this and decided that "no" I'm not raising a little princess I'm raising a very unique little girl, who just happens to want to be pretty while holding a water snake and that's okay. Back to my life for the next 3 days. We have a church Halloween party every year. Last year I could not do it, i had way too much to do and we were moving..this year I have no excuse so I'm in charge. HOwever, I was assuming that the people who volunteered to help would help! Some have had things come up last minute...anyway its ending up being me and one other person to put on a massive Halloween party. We have a few teenage girls who will man the activity stations but that is it. I will be busy making 50 "fishing pond" prizes, a fishing pond, 50 mini ghost cakes for a cake walk, 200 Halloween cookies, putting together the decorations for an entire gym.....and the list could go on. I also have to carve pumpkins, pumpkin carving was so much more fun when i was a little girl and did not have to clean up the mess, recently I have decided i no longer enjoy this, okay I know its sort of like a Halloween ba hum bug...sorry. part of the party is a "trunk-or-treat" out in the parking lot and we need to also decorate the back of our mini van. I'm excited about this part. we bought a fog machine that plays scary music. We'll also have our jack-o-lanters, a huge spider web and a giant spider that falls out of the web! Its going to be hectic but fun. so i've got to take a shower and then get to work..I know too much information. L |
| unrealistic expectations |
Date Posted: 10-24-2006 at 07:11 AM |
| Well my MIL called 2 families who agreed to help decorate for the Halloween Party so that is done. I busied myself getting all the carnival like stations ready and that is done. Now all I have to do is bake, carve pumpkins, and decorate our car....feeling less stressed. I was so happy to come here this morning and read 2 online journals with such amazing stories about their foster/adopt/drug exposed children. Your children are amazing and I have to admit I'm a sappy person so I was crying just reading. I worry about D so much and though he was not drug exposed he was severly neglected. His mom and him are doing so well. I agree, I hate stereotypes and I am so tired of those who label and judge without knowing the individual. I had to deal with D being delayed and early intervention. I didn't tell anyone expect family and I was shocked by some of the responses. First of all (and I truly beleive this) even if a child is severely learning delayed SO WHAT! Everyone has their own unique gifts to bring this world, we can't all be the same. I get sad when I see children/people in general forced to fit the few molds that only some can be recognized for and truly be great at....but this has been my gripe since HS. Okay off of my soap box and onto another. M has never picked up on anything easy, I'm talking since pre-school she has seemed to struggle with things BUT she works at it until she gets it. Its nothing I have ever had to force on her to do, she would work on things since Kindergarten all on her own. Since we are bragging...don't know why she is like this she is just driven to excell even if it takes all that she has. Sometimes it drives me so crazy that I have to tell her to slow down because she will give me a nervous breakdown. For awhile she wasn't really noticed becaue basically she had to struggle just to keep up. Now that she is in 5th grade she is bringing home every honor and award the school has to give out. Tonight we are going to a school board meeting in which she will be honored for her acheivements. Then there is C and she doesn't even have to try but does well in school. I almost think M is better off because she had to struggle, she knows how to work. C is only in 1st grade and if they get their homework done at school they don't have to do it at home...so...no homework. Anyway, I give her homework because I know C's personality and I know that if this habit isn't learned now she is going to have a hard time when she gets older. M takes after me, she is great when it comes to writing and reading comprehension and not so great at analytical/math concepts. C is like her dad-only she LOVES reading, he is simply brilliant and annoyingly so. In Veterinary school when others were studying all hours of the night he would have it down in a few hours sometimes from class lecutres alone or one ready through. He's still like that I almost feel he has photographic memory when it comes to certain things. but you ask him to read a novel/classic literature and he doesn't get it. Why am I ranting...I dont' know. I guess this is one of my major pet peeves-news flash we are all different!!!! That this bad old world of ours expects people to fit molds and when they don't its like we should throw them out and it starts so young. I think girls have this worse then boys, I know I am a girl but i really do. We have to be pretty, we need to be thin (even if it means we kill ourselves to be this way), we have to dress a certain way but if we dress too provacatively we are callled certain unsavory names, we are held to many double standards (girls you know what i mean), if we aren't married by a certain age then certainly this means something is wrong with us-but if a man does the same thing..so what, we need to work (with a brilliant career) but we also need to be the super mom, our children should be involved in every afterschool sport, play a musical instrument, and all other after school activities you can possibly find to put them in (so long as you dont' have a life and the taxi sticker is pasted on your forehead), our house needs to be spotlessly clean despite the demand of our career super mommy, and after school activities should be personally overseen by you (to be a good mom you should either coach personally or volunteer until you don't remember which place the brownies you just made are going to), we should be a gourmet chef even if we are home 30 min between coaching/volunteering/girl scouts, our children should never go to school without the ultimate hair style and clothes (otherwise we are bad mommies), birthday parties should cost at least $2000-and you should hand make everything yourself, your family vacation is supposed to be triple the cost of birthdays....okay I'm really not bitter but the list could go on and on. I'm sick of unrealistic expectations. For me, personally, when I tell others I am a SAHM its like the conversation ends there...I don't know what it is. Its like saying i have the plague or something. Anyway its irritating. If I needed to work I would work but right now we are fortunate enough for me to stay home. This was a joint decision, my husband is not a controlling abusive idiot, I am not the woman who beleive i should be submissive and my role is in the home, okay i have never been that girl despite growing up in a sort of black hole of women who falsely beleived this was a good quality...I have never fit the SAHM stereotype and frankly I never will. If we were not planning on adopting I would be back in school because I no longer have any desire to be in the business world and would love to teach children who are learning delayed...Billy was learning delayed before there was early intervention and before he would have had half a chance at excelling in those things he was strong in. I feel this was part of his frustration. So yes I have "career" goals but for now I am content being a SAHM and other then the hour or two I am online I keep myself busy from sun up until sun down and there is always something unfinished when I go to bed. I have a feeling when I say SAHM people assume I'm home eating popcorn and watching Oprah. I have to TIVO Oprah if I want to watch her! Okay I said I stepped off of my soap box early now I really am doing just that, okay off.... Onto the adoption.foster care/ dealing with our loss part of my life. No calls from foster/adopt but we are still active there until I tell them otherwise. Our foster/adopt program is not what it is like in other states. It is very much a shot in the dark...we really don't know if it will lead to adoption but often they will feel it is a good chance that it will. This is the only reason i am leary of doing it again. I could have loved my little D as my son forever and ever but it was not meant to be. M has had a difficult time with the loss we have experienced. *sigh* so have I. I have a peace about things but a large void in my life. Last night i had a dream. This white middle age women came to take D from us. She told us that D's mom asked her to take care of him for her. I was so upset but there was nothing i could do about it. I was thinking the entire time while putting D's stuff together, why not us? Why didn't she choose us to care for him? This women didn't seem to care about D just kept telling me how busy she was and how this was going to inconvenience her life. I kept asking her when we could see him again and she didn't know because her schedule was so full... then she left with D, bad dream. I woke up sobbing. I don't usually, okay i don't remember the last time I ever had a dream that realistic that made me that sad. So obviously I have unresolved and ongoing issues dealing with the loss of D. I am so happy that we get to see him as often as we do and that we get to see him doing well and adjusting to life with his mom so fabulously. Oh, but I miss him, everyday I am reminded of how much I miss him. Then there is the adoption agency. I got a call from one of my friends i am using as a reference. She was like "L, these questions are pretty personal and tough..." She went on to read me the questions. Wow! I was assuming it would be like foster/adopt a simple do you know these people and do you feel they would make good parents type letter. No, the questions are somewhat invasive and personal asking them to list strengths and weaknesses in many areas of our lives/marriage/family. I'm not worried they will give us horrible references but for some reason I feel violated...I know it sounds stupid. But how many people are asked to provide 4 references who need to go into great detail and depth of your strenghts and weaknesses in all areas of your personal life just so you can give birth to a baby!? It would be absurd, hey it may make for a better world...I know I know I know why this is important in adopting but do I have to like it? She wanted me to tell her what to write, well sort of anyway, because they are so personal I think she worried about offending, or going too deep. Many of the questions were similar to the ones that my dh and to answer about each other so I explained what i had done and told her to be honest and that we would never see them so don't worry about offending us. Scary... Anyway that is good news though it means we were approved through our clergy and they are moving forward to the next step. I had to cancel dh's doctors appointment for today, big surpirse! I'll move it to Thursday but I'm not counting on it. I have my appointment today. So all we will be waiting on will be the 4 references, physicals to reach the agency, questionaire to be finished (almost done), and our physical homestudy....we are getting there. Wish I could snap my fingers and have it be done but at least we are moving along. L |
| Got a call... |
Date Posted: 10-24-2006 at 07:16 AM |
| Well I just as is just posted my entry and then I hear my phone ring. I ran to get it but it was downstairs...didn't get it in time. Yes, its the county calling, specifically the worker who calls with placements. I'm scared to call them. I know its silly. I feel so strongly about moving forward with the private agency. Do I want to close this door? I don't know...I'm worried the more I say "No" the more that door is being shut. I also on a stupid level have this huge Halloween party to get ready for.......I want to vomit. I don't know if I'm going to call her. I'll post more later. L |
 Recent Comments: |
| Re: Moving my journal... |
By musemoon(09-29-2008 at 08:34 PM) |
| CONGRATS on your move :-) See you over there!!! |
| Re: (adoption check list) homestudy done CHECK!!! |
By musemoon(09-19-2008 at 10:00 PM) |
| This is so exciting. You have always known that these children were meant to be with you and one you are about to adopt YEEE HOOOOOO!!!!!!! the other is going to be in your arms soon. This is life's most gracious beauty...I am ecstatic for you and your family. I wait with baited breath to hear every detail :-) And yes once again our children will be walking the same path... this means we are all meant to meet each other one day :-) |
| Re: Sensory Diet |
By musemoon(09-10-2008 at 09:10 AM) |
| YEAH I am so glad that this is starting to work. It's amazing what therapy can do for our kiddos :-) And come on STATE....let them adopt him already...this is ridiculous...grrr. |
| Re: YYYYEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
By musemoon(09-03-2008 at 12:36 PM) |
| Congratulations, it all seems to be going so well!!!! Yeah, can't wait to hear all the good news. |
| Re: Speech eval and I'm THRILLED with his progress! |
By Tudu(08-30-2008 at 03:57 PM) |
| We did the brushing and were amazed at the results. I even went to their school to do it b/c it helped so much. Then we discovered the vest. We stopped the brushing and just had them wear the weighted vest b/c it would last many hours instead of a couple. It is not really weighted, it is made of velcro and is really snug fitting. You should ask about that. |
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