hello all its been awhile since i have last posted. i was searching through some papers of mine and happen to falll upon a letter, this was no ordinary letter it was the letter i was looking for. i thought it was lost and was driving myself crazy because this letter was a symbilaztion of my newly found growth through the process of my grief. this was the first letter i had written to my son after the adoption was finalized. so i wish to share it.
Devon,
Hello son. well today is your birthday! I hope you are having so much fun. I bet it will be a blast. i cant beleive you are turning 6 today . wow it seems like only yesterday you were a toddler. now you are turning into a young man.So what does a 6 year old do on his birthday. i bet there is alot planned for you.are you starting to get into themed partys . is there any cartoon character you like the best. well what ever it may be i bet it will be meaningful.You were always such a happy child and and pretty easy to please. boy do i certently miss you. i wish i could be there to watch you blow out your candles and sing happy birthday to you. i would love to see the smile on your face as you open your presents with alll your family and friends. i bet you are having so much fun. i would give anything to see the elation on your face when get that toy you had been eyeing for months. there are so many scenerios i think about and cant help but cry. i try to remain strong and hope one day we ill be able to make our own memories. for now thought all i have is my imagination. i love you so very much and hold so close to my heart. you were my first child and althought i was pretty young and immature , i will never forget the precious time we had togther. i loved you so very much and always will. i tryed to give you the best life possible but really wasnt fit to . i hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. please know that i will always love you forever. you are my son for life. i know you are in ahappy place and being well taken care of and are getting the life that you so deserve. this is the first birthday letter that i have written for you , i am sorry that i didnt write last year or any of the other years. after the adoption was finilaized i was really scared to write and open up and didnt really know how to deal with the fact that i had lost you . i promise to write you ever year possible not just on birthdays but every other occasion there is that i know i will have missed with you. even letters just to tell you i love you and miss you. i hope one day we will be reunited. for now thought i will keep you in my thoughts and in my heart. i hope you have a splendid day and may all your birthdays be everything you want and more. so to you my beautiful child my simple wish to you is this. happy birthday son.
love always
mom |
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