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Adoption Community Information
| I need to vent!!!!! |
Date Posted: 08-07-2005 at 07:53 PM |
| Sometimes I think God is laughing at me! My mother tells me yesterday that my 21 year old is pregnant again for the 4th time in 4 years! I am so sick of seeing her pregnant! Then she tells me that my 19 year old brothers 18 year old girl friend is pregnant too! I can't get away from it!!!!! Then my sister tells my future sister in law that I will hate her for getting pregnant and that she should stay away from me while she is pregnant! These of course were total lies!!!! I never hated her for being pregnant ... When she got pregnant at 16 I didn't hate her i was just upset because I am the oldest child, grandchild and had been married for 3 years with a home of my own.I felt like I should have been the one to have the first grandchild /greatgrandchild! After about 3 weeks of praying and thinking I decided to call her and tell her I loved her and was looking forward to becoming an auntie! I was there for the birth of my nephew "T-Rex" and I have formed a close bond with him. I was there a little more than an year later when my neice "trutle" was born and eventhough I don't think she likes me very much now I still love her.. I was also there 11 mo, 2weeks later when their baby sister AMS (don't have a nik name for her yet) was born. She is a beautiful chubby little thing and I love them dearly! I just don't know why some people think because I can not give birth that I hate pregnant women... I mean if someone had not given birth i would not be able to be a mother at all! Eventhough I choose to Choose my child I don't feel any less a mother! In fact... I think adoption is superior to having children because I get know exactly what I'm getting and when you have your "own" you have to take what your given! Just my Opinion! |
| Mother....... |
Date Posted: 08-18-2005 at 05:41 PM |
| I've been working for two weeks to get our homestudy updated. I have been searching adoptuskids.com and updating our criteria. I hve been talking to DH and he is stressed about making sure we are going to have the budget to adopt. We are Christians and we believe that God will take care of our needs. Hubby is just having trouble letting God handle things, I know he will provide for all our needs. We are not wealthy and we don't have a huge house, he feels that we will have to struggle with providing for our children. I know we won't I trust in God to see that our basic needs are met. We have one child who's adoption will be final in October and I really want to adopt a child or two more. I have such a strong yearning in my soul for children. I can imagine a little girl and a little boy running from school in the afternoon yelling "mommy! mommy!, look what I did!" I want a little person to tuck in and read bedtime stories to and someone to look in on in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. I want so badly to have small children running around the back yard in the afternoons, someone to bake cookies for and to teach christmas carols to and to teach about Jesus my savior. I want to have little children to take to church and to cry over when they are sick, or sad. I want a little person to pray for every day and to love with all my heart. Not to say I don't love my daughter it is just that I have missed so much by adopting a teenager. I missed all the firsts and I know there are many many firsts that she will have that I will get to be there for and I will get to be the doting grandmother to her children some day but I want more than anything to be the mother of a small child! |
| The way God works! |
Date Posted: 08-22-2005 at 09:26 PM |
| It really sometimes amazes me how truly wonderful God is. I have been praying that God's will be done in our home as far as our adoptions go. We are almost finished with Elise's and we are trying to update the homestudy to be matched with a boy or two. Well my major problem is that my mom is staying with us. She has been here since April and I have really been praying that God would find a way for her to aford to move out so that we can continue growing our family. My mother is going to college (again) to get her paralegal. She still has two years left and just applied for some sort of stipend to allow her to have living funds. Well she asked for $5,000.00 and recieved $3,500.00! She called me today and told me that she received her money and that if I would call some apartment complexes this afternoon she would be able to move out by the 31st. So naturally I called apartment complexes!  Of cours DH asked if she was going to give us any money for the expences she has incured while living here with us since she was without a job for the first 3 months. I said I'm sure she will.... but deep down inside I have a feeling she won't. I don't know if I have the patients to even ask her. I mean I know she has some minor bills. But we have paid all the mortgage, and Utilities the entire time she has been here with the exception of $122.00 for a phone bill and that was because I told her that it was between payday's for us and if she wanted to be able to use my cell phone she was going to have to pay the bill! WEll anyway I am glad that she is going to be moving! I can paint her room and my bathroom and I can get the bunkbed we found and I can get the room ready for my boys. I can't wait!!!! |
| I just don't know! |
Date Posted: 09-04-2005 at 09:37 PM |
| I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME BUT I AM JUST FEELING SO CONFUSED TONIGHT! Part of me wants to just run away, but I don't know where I'd go. He say's he's doing this all for me. The house, the kid(s), Everything. He says it's because he want's me to be happy and it's what I want. Well It's not what I want anymore! I don't even know if I want to adopt or if I want to just raise my dog and move to a smaller Cheaper house, so he won't feel so stressed. I mean even if we downsized it doesn't mean we could acutally get into an apartment complex because we have terrible credit. I really don't want to go back to an apartment though. I do like the house I just don't want to be here right now. I want to take my dog and RUN! I don't know why but I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomache and I don't like it. I think I need to find work. It has been a year since I last worked and quite frankly I think I need to get back into a studio and do some practice work and make some tapes and send out my resume and get a real job. I mean Elise is almost 18 and she can either walk to school or take the bus. She won't like it but she'll get over it. I need to get out of this bloody house! I think I am driving myself insane! I have been trying to be strong because Elise has just gotten out of the hospital for depression and here I am suffering from classic depression symptoms and I need a DRINK! I need a stiff drink! I need someone who understands me. I mean I don't even know if I want to adopt anymore. I just don't feel like I should be bringing a child into a family where the mother can't even figure out what is going on with her own emotions much less helping them with theirs. I wish i could understand myself, how am i going to find some else to understand me? I am at a total loss. |
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