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Adoption Community Information
| Our journey begins |
Date Posted: 07-12-2005 at 11:52 AM |
| So I should live happily ever after. What brought me to fostering? More true foster to adopt. Lets see. In my class I had a little boy, he was the class trouble maker. Kept me busy from before class began till the end of the day. Cute kid, don't get me wrong. Very smart too. But trouble with a big T. He was in 2nd grade. I came to learn he was a foster child. I had many, many meetings with his cw's his gal and anyone else they could bring in to try and explain his behavior and try and talk us in to keeping him in the school. You see he had been expelled from the public schools for braking his teachers nose the year before. He took a lot of focus away from me teaching. Before my classes began the kids all had 2 hours of ice practice. I had my teacher planning time then. Well, low and behold this child would be kicked off the ice almost daily and be sent to my room for me to deal with. We got along well but he did have major behavior problems. All the kids in class hated him poor thing. He just didn't fit in with all the elitist hockey players. His reason for attending this school weren't the same as the other children's. His was a need for a structured environment. With coaches that were hard on him and with no tolerance for misbehavior. My classes were condensed so the children would have time for there ice time. So he didn't have as many hours in class as the "normal" school. My heart opened to him. I learned he had been in 14 foster homes in 7 years. That he was diagnosed with RAD. I had no experience with RAD before. I felt for this child. I fought to keep him in school that entire school year. I believed he needed to at least make it through one whole school year without disruption. Later that school year he was removed form this foster home for some unspeakable acts that his foster family did to him. It broke my heart. His case workers asked me if I would consider having him placed in our home because of how hard I worked for him and because they could see I would put his needs first. They said they could do a quick placement homestudy and he could move in shortly. I agonized of this decision. I new this child needed a stable life. And we did have a stable life. But ... first my son hated him. Second I new I couldn't enroll him again in the school I taught at because they wouldn't accept him for another year. I knew my husband didn't have the time to give this child that so desperately need someone's time. I wasn't willing to turn my son's life up side down because I felt sorry for this child. So after many sleepless nights I had to call the cw and let her know I just couldn't do it. Well, the following week I get a call from cw she's got 2 little girls that need an emergency home could I consider taking them. Sorry I'm not in a place I can accept these girls. I still am teaching and they are preschoolers. The following week cw calls again she's got a little girl 8 that needs a home what did I think? OK now I'm thinking is this something I should consider? Has God got a plan for me I didn't see earlier? Or does this case worker see the big words on my forehead SOFTY. Either way it gets me thinking a lot about fostering. You see I love children. I would have had more children but timing was not in the cards for us. When my son was 4 both my parents became ill. I had always thought when my son was 4 or 5 we would try to have another child but when my parents got sick I moved back to the town they lived in so I could care for them. My Mom had cancer, and my Dad had Alzheimer's. Both very stressful for them as well as me being their caregivers. Me being pregnant wasn't in the cards during that time. After almost 3 years of caring for them they both passed away 6 weeks apart. So I was in a place where I need to grieve I had lost both my best friends. Not a time I was taking particularly good care of myself so still not the time to add to our family. But still knew I wanted more children someday. Maybe this was a sign it was time to add to our family by means of foster/adoption. So our journey begins. |
| More on my journey and how I got here |
Date Posted: 07-12-2005 at 01:58 PM |
| So next step really talk to my husband about the possibility of adopting. He loves kids, but has 2 adult children from a previous marriage. He's a grandfather to a 7 year old. And we have our 11 year old son. He travels tons with his work which leaves me home with all the responsibilities most of the time. I don't have much hope of convincing him. He's the sensible one in the family. Look at the whole picture I'm sure he's going to say. We are much freer in our life to do what we want now that our son is getting older. We're financially secure and comfortable. We don't have a lot of money but are free to do what we want as long as it's not too extravagant. We can travel when we want. We love our home, it's not huge but it suits us. So how could we think about adding another child to our life now? I can just hear it all. Funny how when you're anticipating a discussion you can hear all the scenario's in your head. Well, he sure did surprise me. I guess I didn't see that big SOFTY on his forehead all these years. And I thought I was the only one with that right there in the open. He said he would be willing to take the classes get licensed and see where that path lead us. WOW. Now I've talked to my son about this a lot. He's wonderful and I couldn't dream of having a sweeter kid so I had to make sure he thought he could handle the changes that would follow. He really thought it would be great. He wanted a sister. He didn't think he wanted a brother cuz we'd have a different relationship and he'd feel the need to compete with a brother but he said a sister would be great! Like I said WOW. I'm lucky, what a family I have. I knew we had a lot to offer another child, but to be supported in the want to go forward with this just blew me away. We jumped in with both feet. My husband had to take classes when he was in town, so we ended going to different ones. I got the house ready for a home study. We put all our ducks in a row. School was out and it was off season for hockey so I had all the time we needed to get ready. With all this time I found myself not sleeping. HUM ... what to do. Busy making plans during the day but can't sleep at night. This isn't like me. Taking my nightly walks with my son speculating where we'll be a year from then. We had so much fun planning what it would be like with another child. But come night time and can't sleep. It gets to the point I have to see a doctor. I haven't slept in 36 days. My friends are telling me it's time to see a doctor. So I break down to see a doctor. Not much discussion, he just puts me on Zoloft. OK I'm not depressed mind you, but I'm not sleeping and he thinks it will help. Low and behold 2 days later I sleep! Now I'm happy. I'm sleeping at night and doing my thing during the day. Cool. While I'm doing classes and following my plan to get licensed as a foster home, I meet this lady that is a foster mother to a sweet little girl. She's just turned six and adorable. She lives in a different county than us but hey she's a little doll and it gives me hope that maybe out there somewhere there is a perfect fit for our family too. Well, this mother and I continue to correspond and support each other. Then one day she calls me and tells me that the cw for little girl S said that it is likely that her mother's rights will be terminated. This foster Mom is heart broken for this little girl and doesn't know what to do. She had no intention of adopting this little girl she was fostering till Mom could get her back. Now she's afraid what will happen with yet another move. She is the 4th foster home in this little girls life. Well, we haven't got our license yet, but talk to our cw about doing respite on weekends until we get our license and then maybe having S move in with us with the hopes of adopting her if in fact her mothers rights are terminated. Our case worker agrees. This seems to easy. We haven't gone through everything yet and we've got a possible placement. Maybe this was ment to be. Hum ... funny things seem to be the same in my routine but it seems as if it's harder to keep my house as clean, and funny I've put on a little weight. Oh well, I've been exercising for years maybe I can slack off a bit the weight isn't that bad. Everyone says I still look good. No biggy. So our first weekend with S is fabulous, wow is she great. She does seem to have a few sleep issues. She sleeps with the lights on full blast. She cries while she's sleeping. I wake her up and she's fine but once back asleep cries again. Poor little thing. But other than that no problems all weekend. She gets to ride my horse, and swim. She gets along great with my husband and with my son. The weekend ends much to quickly for all of us. S goes home and we are looking forward to the next weekend. Classes to go to, health dept. inspection. Goes great. Don't really feel like riding this week. Get my son to feed the horses. It's to hot to hang out outside this summer. Hum... a few more pounds. Bummer. Oh well. I'll write more later, have tons to do before dinner. |
| That darn dog |
Date Posted: 07-13-2005 at 07:13 AM |
| Well, all this time home from school and I've nicked named our darn dog, peer, pooper. Man this dog just doesn't get it. He can be walked all over to kingdom come, and walk in the house and pee. Walk in my closet and poop again. Darn dog. I hate poop in the closet. Hot this summer. Wish I had more energy to walk at night. I guess the heat is taking it out of me. This weight is starting to bug me, but hey what can I do when it's so hot out, wish it would cool off so I could get some exercise. Oh well, it will all come off by the time school starts I'm sure. Another weekend with S. She's so sweet. She asked if she could call me Mom. She said it would be easier, because my son calls me Mom. She loves our house and our pool. She's a fish can't get her out. I love having two kids around. But the house sure does get messy. I wonder why I can't seem to get caught up. Oh well, who cares anyway. It's more fun just to hang with the kids. We've had some pretty bad weather this year. Hurricane after Hurricane. We're lucky we haven't had any damage to our home. The electricity did go off for 2 weeks, but we got to go out of state for a little vacation till it was turned back on. Bad we didn't get to see S. while we were away but we did talk to her on the phone every night. She's looking forward to moving in with us. Her cw talked to her about it and she said it would be Great! So it's still in the works. I didn't know it would be this easy to have a child placed here, we are so blessed. The electricity got turned back on and we got to come home. Hum the house is a little musty from no a/c for 2 weeks. I guess I should give it a real good cleaning to freshen it up. But the yard needs lots of work the winds did a number on the trees around here. Maybe next week I'll start on it. I need to settle back in after being gone so long. Gez I've got to go shopping all my clothes seem so tight, I guess I'm really packing on a lot of weight this summer. Oh well, I love to shop. My husband and I have decided I shouldn't go back to teaching next year. If we have S. come live with us I need to be a stay at home Mom again. I can work with the horses while their at school and be home for them after school. It's a relief I just couldn't get excited about teaching this year. Oh well, I love staying home and doing the Mom thing. Riding every day will get me back into shape too. Also we think if S. comes to live with us it would be nice for both the kids to go to the same school. We have a wonderful private school close to us that my son went to before the sports academy. I'll put my son there this year just in case S. moves in. It is very highly academically motivated though so I better start working with my son so he's not behind. The last couple of years at the sports academy were kind of slack on academics. And very focused on sports. It was good for my son but we better catch up. I'll start next week. I sure love having a little girl every weekend. We have so much fun shopping. I've been buying for her only though. I really hate shopping for me now. I just don't look good in clothes anymore. I can't wait to lose this weight so I can really shop for myself. I'll start a diet next week. Hummm haven't ridden all summer, it sure has been hot. My son has been so good about feed the horses for me lately. We are finally a licensed foster home. Now S should be able to move in with us before school starts. Yeah. I talked to her cw and she said she'd run it by the legal dept. to find out when she can move. I wish it would cool off so I can get this whole house back in order so when she moves in it feels wonderful. I'll work on it in a few days. Darn dog. |
| And down I go |
Date Posted: 07-13-2005 at 11:20 AM |
| Talked to the cw again. Looks like another weekend of visits. She doesn't know when the move will happen, but soon. School starts soon. My son is looking forward to going back to his old school. I guess I should start thinking about our budget. The school costs twice as much as the sports academy and when S starts that means double that. Oh well, it will all work out. My husband hasn't been home in over a week. That's good because I just can't get motivated to clean this house. Wonder what's wrong with me. This really isn't like me at all. Now I've put on more than a few pounds. Don't really feel like seeing my friends till I start looking better. Boy better get my act together. When school starts I can't hide out in the house. I think I'm going to see if this darn dog will run away if I leave the doors open. He is just a pain. Still cute though. Wish S could spend some more time with us. We have so much fun when she's around. My son really loves having a sister. Gosh I hope this works out. (It's funny writing about what happened last year. I sure can see the spiral happening right before me.) |
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