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Adoption Community Information
| Too much secrecy |
Date Posted: 05-26-2005 at 10:35 PM |
| One problem that my bmom had when I found her, was that she has 2 sons who don't know about me. I was only 21 then, very immature, and didn't understand why it was so hard to tell them. Today, I think they have the right to know, but it is not for me to say. It was a decision that my bmom made, and I have to respect it. A couple months ago, I helped a girl my age find her bmom. One name that she had coming into the search, was her grandfather's name. Surprisingly, neither her mom nor dad, knew that she had given birth, and put a child up for adoption. However, they were very happily surprised. I can not immagine going so many years keeping something so important as having a child a secret. I feel like it would eat away at my mind and my soul, until I had nothing left. I doubt that these bmoms are keeping us a secret just because they think that it's the right thing to do-obviously they do it out of shame-although I don't think that many of them would admit to it! If they really did what they thought was best, by giving us up, what is there to be ashamed about? Isn't that what we should always do?-what we think is best in all situations of life? |
| Use of antidepressants in adoptees and birthmoms |
Date Posted: 06-12-2005 at 08:24 PM |
| Since I began helping other adoptees search for their families, I have found that there is a high percentage of usage in adoptees and birthmoms. I wonder if the people who should know about this really do? i.e. doctors, social workers, agencies, etc. Since finding my bmom 5 years ago, I have been takeing the antidepressant Effexor. I take a huge dose. I also have to take Klonopin for my extreme anxiety. While talking to other adoptees and birthmoms while helping them search, I think that for about every 10 that I talk to, 7 take something for depression/anxiety. Many have had nervous breakdowns, I have about one a year. One of the reasons I have discovered for this high usage, is the unaccessability of adoption records. Who the hell are these people who make the laws?? Why in Ohio, can you have your bc and everything else if you were adopted before 1964? Am I less of a person, and have fewer needs because I was born in 1978? It makes no sense. Thank God that I already know where/who I came from-others aren't that lucky. Ohio is a very easy state, others are completely closed up. Tons have committed suicide over this. A couple weeks ago, I was helping a lady who is older than me, search for her family. Wanna know where her dad is? He's dead. He shot himself, when after trying to get his daughter back, who he did not surrender, he went for a visit and was told he could no longer see her-she had been adopted!! Granted, this is in no way the adoptee's fault. However, I can imagine that she is going to have to deal with guilt. I wonder if the idiots who make are laws, have any idea what this nonsense does to us. Maybe I can send the Governor the bills for my $600+ medication, my $90 a week counseling appointment, and the bill for the $95 it costs to see the psychiatrist for 10 minutes? |
| Want to write her so badly, but.... |
Date Posted: 06-26-2005 at 10:15 PM |
| I am scared of bmom. For the last month or so, I have been wanting to write my bmom a letter. However, each time I start to, I stop. I have stupid excuses floating in my head-For example, "I will wait until next week, because by then I will have done xyz, and that will make her want to talk to me". The last time I talked to her, (about 2.5 years ago) she was not very nice to me. I should have been done with school already, I didn't have a good enough job-I sell stuff on Ebay, and she didn't consider that a job, I needed a job with insurance (I have always had insurance), why did I have a cell phone if I didn't have a job, etc, etc... Yet, I still have such a deep desire to be even the tiniest part of her life. Hell, I even feel guilty about the pain my birth and reliquisment must have caused her-like somehow it was my fault. I want to write her and tell her I need her. Yet, that makes me look weak. I feel like if I did start talking with her again, I would feel like I needed to live a lie. Shoot, I'd probably tell her I had a computer job with some well known place, I guess whichever one came out of my mouth first I guess... I don't live like this though. My thought on life is basically take it or leave it. I don't really have anyone I feel that I can talk about this to. I go to counseling, but she can't really understand either. How can a woman who I don't even speak to, have this much control over me? Jen |
| Why don't people answer? |
Date Posted: 10-27-2005 at 01:18 PM |
| I have been reading the journal entries for quite some time now. I would assume, that it would be expected for readers to get "caught up" in the entries-in the way that you actually start to care about what is happening to the writer or someone they have written a lot about. Sometimes, I pm the journalist if I find I have something in common with them, or know of something that could be of help. For example, after reading one journal entry, I pm'd the writer, and found her bmom for her. Recently, I have pm'd two journalists, and have been ignored. I DO NOT APPRECIATE THIS!! I actually sit here and worry about some of these people/situations. I could understand, if I were just pming them a bunch of bullshat or asking nose questions, but I have not. Is it too much to ask, for people to respond to their pm's? I still worry a lot about one particular on-going story. I wish I could not worry, but I have this stupid anxiety disorder. In the one story I was following, I wonder, did adoptee and bmom talk again?, do things seem strained, etc. COULD YOU LET ME KNOW? |
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