AS I WALK THROUGH THE MED CENTER DOORS AGAIN...LOOKING BACK ...WONDERING..HOW MANT TIMES HAVE I DONE THIS!? I LOOKED DOWN AT MY BODY..DOTTED WITH SORES THAT LOOKED LIKE ACNE. HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE I FIRST NOTICED THESE SORES? HOW MANY MONTHS........
I LOOKED BACK OVER THE PAST MONTHS AND ALL I SEE IS TUB BATHS WITH A BOX OF BAKING SODA EVERY NIGHT! THIS ITCHING WAS MADDENING!!! WHAT AM I ALLERGIC TO!? HOW LONG HAVE I ITCHED AND JUST WENT ON DAY BY DAY EXSISTING ..........
AS I WALKED THROUGH THE MED CENTER DOORS A RECEPTIONIST ASKS ME MY NAME AND INSURANCE. I SIT IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR A MINIMUM OF 2 HOURS. A NURSE XCALLS ME IN AND ASKS ME MY PROBLEM. I TOLD HER IT ALL STARTED OUT WITH GIANT HIVES. THE DOCTOR GAVE ME SHOTS OF BENADRYL AND PREDISONE. I KNEW PREDISONE...ITS A STEROID. I DONT WANT A STEROID....I WANT A DIAGNOSIS!!! WHICH THE DOCTOR HERE COUND NOT GIVE.
IF ITS NOT GONE IN 2 WEEKS...CALL YOUR FAMILY DOCTOR.....HE REPLIED. ALMOST IN TEARS..I LEFT..
I WENT TO THE DRUG STORE THINKING MAYBE THERE IS A ITCHING POWDER OR SALVE THAT I HAVENT TRIED! LOOKING AT ALL THE SALVES AND POWDERS..I CHOOSE ONE MORE TO ADD TO MY LIST OF 46 DIFFERENT BRANDS. NOTHING WORKED...ONLY THE TUB BATHS WITH A BOX OF BAKING POWDER...RELIEVED MY ITCHING FOR ABOUT A HOUR.
I WENT TO MY INTERNALIST....HE ADMITTED..HE HAD NO CLUE WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME. OF COARSE...DOCTORS LOVE TO TELL WOMEN ..."ITS ALL IN OUR HEADS". I HONESTLY BELIEVE ..THIS IS WHAT HE THOUGHT. THE DOCTOR HAD SEEN ME YEARS BEFORE RIPPED APART OVER A DIVORCE....THE CRYING WOULDNT STOP. HE...HAD COMMENTED..IF I WAS STILL SEEING MY THEORPIST.
AS MY 15 MINUTE APPOINTMENT ENDED..HE SHOOK MY HAND AND I LEFT. STILL NOT KNOWING....WHY DID I HAVE THESE SORES ON MY BODY AND ALL THIS ITCHING!! MY DOCTOR HAD SUGGESTED I GO SEE A DERMATOLOGIST...A FRIEND OF HIS. ANYTHING..I THOUGHT...TO STOP THIS ITCHING!!
WITHIN A COUPLE WEEKS I WAS IN THE DERMATOLOGIST OFFICE. I TOOK OFF MY TOP TO MAKE SURE THE DOCTOR SEES WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!. THE NURSE LOOKED AT ME STRANGE...AS IF THIS WASNT THE PROCEDURE. I SAT THERE IN MY BRA ...WITH THESE THINGS ALL OVER MY BODY AND WAITED TO SEE THE DOC. HE WALKED IN....NOT A GOOD CONVERSATIONALIST ..I THOUGHT. HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING ANY HERBS? YES...I SAID. "WELL.STOP TAKING THE HERB AND IT WILL GO AWAY"! I WAS ESTATIC....FINALLY MAYBE SOMEONE FOUND WHAT WAS WRONG! FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS I STAYED OFF THE HERB AND CONTINUED TO ITCH. BLOOD NOW..SEEPED FROM THE UGLY SORES. MY FINGERNAILS UNDERNEATH LOOKED LIKE A EMERGENCY ROOM DOCTORS.....SKIN AND BLOOD. THE ITCHING DIDNT STOP.
I DECIDED TO GET UP IN THE MORNING...LOOK AT "EVERYTHING"..I TOUCH...AND FIGURE OUT WHAT I AM ALLERGIC TOO! GET UP..BRUSH MY TEETH..COULD IT BE THE TOOTHPASTE? NEXT ...THE BATHROOM.....COULD IT BE..THE TOILET PAPER OR THE TOWEL? NEXT...THE KITCHEN...COULD IT BE THE COFFEE? THE COFFEE FILTERS..MY PILLS? HOW ABOUT MY CLOTHS..THE WASHING DETERGENT?
I WENT TO THE STORE AND FOUND A ALLERGIC BRAND..CLOTHS WASHING DETERGENT. MAYBE THIS WILL BE THE CULPRET!? I WENT TO A DEPT STORE AND CHOOSE NEW SHEETS FOR THE BED..BLANKETS..I BOUGHT COVERS FOR THE BED AND MY PILLOW..THINKING MAYBE ITS THOSE MITES THEY TALK ABOUT IN YOUR BED. NOTHING WORKED. BACK TO THE STORE TO SEE WHAT NEW PRODUCT THEY HAVE OUT THERE FOR ITCHING. I SPENT ANOTHER $30.00. I THOUGHT .."HOW MUCH MONEY HAVE I SPENT ON ALL THESE REMEDIES"? A FEW HUNDRED AT THE LEAST....I THOUGHT. I CANT HANDLE THIS ITCHING ANYMORE!!! ONE DAY AT A TIME.......I KEPT SAYING....SURVIVE!
SURVIVE...I DID...DAY AFTER DAY AFTER DAY...OF INTENCE ITCHING.
I CALLED THE DERMATOLOGISTS OFFICE BACK... A RECEPTIONIST SAID TO ME"WE ARE NOT TRYING TO AVOID YOU OR NOT HELP YOU...WE ARE JUST CLOSING OVER THE HOLIDAYS". THATS A STRANGE THING TO SAY...I THOUGHT TO MYSELF. I JUST WANT SOME MORE STERIOD CREME...THAT HELPED A LITTLE.
I WAS MISERABLE.....THIS ITCHING WAS SO BAD..I COULDNT EVEN WEAR BLUE JEANS...I RESORTED TO SHORTS. THAT WAY THE MATERIAL DIDNT RUB ON MY LEGS AND SORES. I PAID ATTENTION TO THE MATERIAL IN THE CLOTHS...JUST 100 % COTTON...I COULD WEAR...NOTHING ELSE! I ALSO REMEMBER ONE NIGHT WAKING UP AND MY HEAD,HAIR AND PILLOW WAS PROFUSLY SWEATING! MY PILLOW WAS ACTUALLY WET! THINKING TO MYSELF..IT MUST BE MY MENAPAUSE...AND LEFT IT AT THAT.
SOME OF MY PATRONS IN MY HAIR SALON STOPPED COMING TO ME BECAUSE OF THE SORES I HAD. THAT HURT...BUT...I COULD UNDERRSTAND. I JUST ITCHED EVERTIME ANYONE CAME IN! ONE LADY WHICH NEVER RETURNED SAID TO ME" WELL, YOU KNOW..PEOPLE WITH SYPHLIS...GET SORES ALL OVER THEMSELVES". THOSE WERE NOT COMFORTING WORDS....I CRIED...JUST LIKE ICRIED IN THE MED STATION..I CRIED IN MY INTERNALISTS OFFICE....I CRIED ALONE IN MY BATHTUB. WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME!?
I THEN CALLED THE DERMATOLIGISTS OFFICE BACK....PLEASE CAN I COME IN AND SPEAK WITH THE DOCTOR? THE DOCTOR WALKED IN TO THE ROOM HIS NURSES HAD PLACED ME. WITH HIM, HE HAD A STUDENT..IN LEARNING. I DIDNT MIND....I LOVED TO SEE YOUNG PEOPLE LEARN!
THE DOCTOR POINTED TOM MY LEGS AND MY ARMS AND MY STOMACH AND TURNED TO THE STUDENT AND REPLIED" THIS IS WHAT FLEA BITES LOOK LIKE ON A PERSONS BODY"! I WAS HORRIFIED!!! I DIDN'T HAVE FLEAS! I IMMEDIATLY SHOT BACK AT THE DOCTOR" I DO NOT HAVE FLEAS! MY DOGS DO NOT HAVE FLEAS! MY DAUGHTER IS A LICENCED DOG GROOMER AND I HAVE A HAIR SALON IN MY HOME!!!~! THIS IS NOT FLEAS!!!!!" I KNOW WHEN THERE IS FLEAS IN MY HOME!! THE DOCTOR JUST TURNED TO THE YOUNG MAN HE WAS TEACHING AND TOTALLY DISCARDED WHAT I SAID AND HE REPLIED TO THE YOUNG MAN.....WATCH FOR THIS...ITS FLEA BITES!!!! HE THEN SAID...I WANT A BIOPSY OF THESE. OK ROLL OVER.. I HEARD THE DOCTOR SAY....NOT EVEN EXPLAINING THE PROCEDURE! WHAT...HE PUT STICHES IN MY BACK!? AND MY BLOOD COUNT SAID WHAT!!? I LEFT THE OFFICE..DISCOURAGED.
NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO DO OR WHICH WAY TO GO I CALLED THE DERMATOLIGISTS OFFICE AGAIN.... I WANT A APPOINMENT... WE WILL DO A ALLERGY TEST. YES.....COME IN WITH $280.00 IN CASH AND WE CAN DO A ALLERGY TEST BECAUSE , YOUR INSURANCE DOEST COVER IT. SO BACK I WENT. WHEN THE RESUTS WERE READY ...I HAD TO GO TO THE DERMATOLOGISTS OFFICE DOWNTOWN. HE WORKED THE DAY I NEEDED THE TEST READ..DOWNTOWN. SITTING WAITING FOR QUITE SOME TIME..I WONDERED IF THEY FORGOT ABOUT ME. A DOCTOR WALKED IN SAID MY DOCTOR WAS BUSY ...SO HE CHECKED MY BACK. NOTHING..I WAS JUST ALLEGIC TO NICKEL. I FELT LIKE IT DIDNT EVEN MATTER TO THE DOCTOR..LHE WAS TOO BUSY TO WASTE HIS TIME ON A HYSTERICAL WOMAN!
CRYING..I RETURNED HOME.....ITCHING...ITCHING...ITCHING.
THE DERMATOLOGIST SAID THAT HE WAS GOING TO SEND ME TO A ALLERGIST. FINALLY...MAYBE THIS DOCTOR WOULD KNOW OR COULD STOP MY ITCHING!
A NICE PLEASANT YOUNG DOCTOR WALKED IN AND INTRODUCED HIMSELF. HE SAT THERE AND LISTENED TO MY WHOLE STORY ABOUT ITCHING!? I COULD SEE THE SYMPATHY IN HIS EYES AND VOICE! SOMEONE WHO CARED!
HE ASKED ME IF I HAD BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY IN THE PAST YEAR....NO..I REPLYED. BEEN NEAR ANY POISON IVY...POISON..SHOEMACK? NO......QUESTION AFTER QUESTION....NO.
PUZZLED..HE WENT AND HAD A ASSOSIATE DOCTOR COME IN THE ROOM. HE LOOKED AT HIS PARTNER AND SAID.....IS THIS SCABBIES? HIS ASSOITE SAID ..YES.... I WAS HORRIFIED! THIS COULD END MY WHOLE HAIRSALON...IF THIS GOT OUT!!! HURRIDLY I WENT HOME...WITH A BOTTLE OF MEDICATION TO WASH MY WHOLE BODY WITH ! THIS IS NOT ONLY HORRIFYING...IT WAS EMBARRASING. I BROKE DOWN AND CRIED AND CRIED AND NEVER TOLD A SOUL. I NOTICED NO ONE CAME IN THE SHOP AND SAID THEY WERE HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THEIR SKIN...SO I THANKFULLY THOUGHT..I DIDNT GIVE IT TO ANY OF MY CUSTOMERS!
THE ITCHING DIDNT STOP.......I ITCHED..I CRIED...I ITCHED..I CRIED.
I WENT BACK TO THE ALLERGIST AND HE SAID HE WANTED TO SEND ME TO THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN IN ANN ARBOR. FINALLY I HAD HOPE THAT MAYBE THERE...THEY'D HAVE A WAY TO STOP ME FROM ITCHING!!!! THE KIND DOCTOR SAID HE DIDNT WANT TO STEP ON THE DERMATOLOGISTS TOES..BECAUSE HE WAS THE PHSYSIAN THAT REFERED ME TO THIS ALLEGIST. I WENT HOME WITH HOPE.
A CALL FROM THE ALLERGISTS OFFICE INFORMED ME ,THAT, THEY DID NOT MAKE ME A APPOINTMENT AT THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN, BECAUSE THE DERMATOLOGIST SAID TO SEND ME BACK TO HIS OFFICE!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO...MY HEAD SCREAMED! I WANT TO GO TO THE U OF M!!! I WENT TO SEE MY INTERESTIST DOCTOR..I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE SITUATION BETWEEN THE ALLERGIST AND THE DERMATOLOGIST...AND NOW NO ONE WAS MAKING ME A APPOINTMENT!!!!HERE I WAS THE PATIENT..BECAUSE OF THEIR ISSUES..I WAS NOT BEING HELPED!!!! MY DOCTOR SAID.."CALL THE ALLERGIST BACK AND TELL HIM THAT I WANT YOU TO GO." I DID. AND FINALLY A APPOINMENT WAS MADE FOR ME THE FIRST WEEK OF JUNE!!!! I ASKED ONE OF MY FAVORITE PERSONS...TO GO WITH ME. MY NEPHEW..TROY. HE DIRECTERECTED ME TO THE U OF M WITH NO PROBLEM. AND THE CAMPUS THERE LOOKED LIKE A WHOLE TOWN! IT WAS HUGE!! MY NEPHEW CALMLY SHOWED ME THE FRONT DOOR..WALKED MY ITCHING...SCABBY BODY DOWN THE HALLS TO THE DERMATOLOGY CENTER. HOW HE FOLLOWS DIRECTIONS..I DO NOT KNOW! NEVER WOULD I HAVE FOUND THIS ALONE!!
MY NAME WAS CALLED.....I WENT INTO THE ROOM WHERE A DOCTOR STUDENT WOULD CHECK MY SORES, ASK ME BACKGROUND INFORMATION, AND SENDING ME OFF TO X-RAY. I WAS DONE...THAT WAS ALL..I THOUGHT!? ALMOST GIVING UP HOPE AND RETURNING HOME TO THE ONLY PLACE THAT COMFORTED ME....MY BATHTUB...WITH 2 BOXES OF BAKING SODA.
JUNE CAME AND WENT AS DID JULY. I HEARD NOTHING FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN. AT THE END OF AUGUST...I MADE A APPOINTMENT WITH MY INTERERNALIST DOCTOR. SITTING THERE CRYING BECAUSE THE ITCHING WOULDNT STOP.....I TOLD MY DOCTOR..THAT I HADNT HEARD FROM THE U OF M. NOTHING..AND IT HAD BEEN OVER 2 MONTHS. I REMEMBER MY DOCTOR SAYING...DONT GIVE UP..KEEP AFTER THEM. I WENT HOME...DISCOURAGED....PRAYING TO GOD FOR HIS HELP..IN THIS NIGHTMARE!
I STARTED PRAYING IN DECEMBER ABOUT MY ITCHING...NOW IT WAS AUGUST!
THE NEXT DAY..IT WAS FRIDAY.... I REMEMBER SAYING TO MYSELF...DONT GET TOO CLOSE TO MY NEW GRANDDAUGHTER...BECAUSE I KNEW HOW MUCH MY GRANDSON LOVED ME...AND IF SOMETHING WAS WRONG AND I DIDNT SURVIVE..I DIDNT WANT TO BREAK MY LITTLE GRANDDAUGHTERS HEART TOO....MY GRANDSONS HEART WAS ENOUGH.....HES ALREADY ATTACHED TO ME.
FRIDAY.....THE LAST WEEKEND IN AUGUST...I WAS HOME AND RECIEVED A CALL AT 9:00PM FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN. JANET???? THE VOICE SAID.... DID YOU EVER RECIEVE YOUR RESULTS FRO WHEN YOU WERE DOWN IN ANN ARBOR IN JUNE? "NO" I REPLIED. " I FOUND THIS FILE SITTING ON A DESKTOP DOWN HERE AND I WONDERED IF ANYONE CONTACTED YOU?" "NO.....NOONE CONTACTED ME!" " WELL...DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A MASS IN YOUR LUNGS?" "WHAT>..I HEARD MYSELF SAY" " A MASS?" WOULD YOU CALL MY INTERNALIST AND TELL HIM WHAT YOU FOUND"!!!!??? YES.......AND THE CONVERSATION WAS OVER. A MASS I THOUGHT....(DENIAL) A MASS?
I CALLED MY INTERNALISTS OFFICE AND ASKED THE NURSE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!? SHE SAID THE DOCTOR HAS MADE A APPOINMENT FOR ME WITH A SURGEN...FOR A BIOPSY. I ASKED MY YOUNGEST DAUGHTER IF SHE WOULD GO WITH ME. MY OLDEST DAUGHTER WAS WORKING AND I HATE TO INTERFER WITH HER WORK SCHEDULE. I WAS IGNORANT TO ALL THIS ANYWAY..I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A 100% HEALTHY PERSON!!!
I WAITED A COUPLE DAYS AND CALLED MY DOCTOR, THE INTERNALIST OFFICE. " I WANT THE RESULTS OF MY BIOPSY!" HAVE MY DOCTOR CALL ME"! NO CALL.... CALL AGAIN.....NO CALL....THIS WENT ON FOR 5 TO 7 DAYS! ALMOST ENRAGED BY NOW...I MADE THE OFFICE GIRLS PROMICE ME THAT THE DOCTOR WOULD CALL ME FRIDAY AND TELL ME WHAT THE RESULTS OF THE BIOPSY WERE!
AT NOON...ON FRIDAY...MY PHONE RANG. IT WAS MY DOCTOR. ERRONICKLY I HAD A NURSE IN MY CHAIR...DOING HER HAIR! LISTENING TO MY DOCTOR...I HEARD HIM SAY....NON-HODGKINS LYMPHFOMA. "WHAT IS THAT????? I HAD NO CLUE!"
I COULD HEAR THE NURSE IN MY CHAIR SAY..."OH MYGOD!" (GOD PUTS PEOPLE INTO OUR LIVES AS WE NEED THEM!) I LOOKED AT THE NURSE AND DUMBFOUNDEDLY SAID" WHAT IS NON HODKINS LYMPHFOMA?" THIS PRECIOUS NURSE...SAT WITH ME AND EXPLAINED!! "I DONT EVEN KNOW IF I FINISHED HER HAIR THAT DAY!"
WITHIN A COUPLE WEEKS..I WAS INFORMED WHO MY NEW CANCER DOCTOR WOULD BE. I WENT TO HIS OFFICE......THE NURSE FROM THE SALON...BRINGING ME..TO HOLD MY HAND. THE DOCTOR LOOKED AT ME AND THE SORES ALL OVER ME...AND I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE INCREDIADABLE ITCHING...I SURVIVED FOR THE PAST 9 MONTHS.
HIS FIRST WORDS WERE, " WHY ..WHEN ITCHING IS ONE OF THE FIRST SYMPTOMS OF NON HODGKINS LYMPFOMA..... WHY DIDNT THE DOCTORS DIAGNOS YOU BEFORE THIS!!!!" BECAUSE...I THOUGHT TO MY SELF" THOSE DOCTORS JUST THINK I AM A HYSTICAL WOMAN...WITH "ITS ALL IN YOUR HEAD SYNDROME"> I WAS SHOVED FROM ONE DOCTOR TO THE NEXT....UNTIL FINALLY I ENDED UP AT DR TIM O'ROURKE'S OFFICE. ....MY CANCER DOCTOR. WHOM I TRUST WITH MY LIFE...... HE EXPLAINED TO ME ABOUT THIS TYPE OF CANCER...WHAT STAGE I WAS IN....HOW ID LOSE MY HAIR.....WHAT KIND OF CHEMO HE WAS USING ON MY CANCER....CHOP. AND WHILE THE SALON NURSE HELD MY HAND FOR MY FIRST CHEMO.........I LOOKED UP AND THANKED GOD ...THIS CHEMO WAS A GOD SEND.......THE FIRST CHEMO AND THE 9 MONTHS OF ITCHING , ITCHING,ITCHING,ITCHING, ITCHING, ITCHING........STOPPED!!!!!!I JUST LIVED THROUGH 9 MONTHS OF HELL.......THE CHEMO WAS A BREEZE............ |
Recent Comments: