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Adoption Community Information
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| great books |
Date Posted: 04-11-2005 at 06:47 PM |
| The first thing I do when I want to find out more about something is research. I began by surfing the web- all the time. But then I tried to find every book possible on the subject. I read An Empty Lap (Jill Smolowe) and The Russian Word for Snow(JanisCooke Newman) - both stories of international adoptive parents. A Single Square Picture (Katy Robinson)told the tale of a Korean adoptee finding her roots. One of my early general reads was Adoption Nation (Adam Pertman)- the tale of adoption in America told by an adoptive dad- which reveals the benefits of open adoption but does not fail to find fault with some of the problems in the system (like money). He highlights the fact that American adoptive families often shatter traditional stereotypes, often being transracial, having a single parent, or having a homosexual couple for parents. The Adoption Reader (ed. Susan Wadia Ellis) is a book about women of the triad-short snippets of the stories of women from a variety of perspectives. Inside Transracial Adoption (Steinberg and Hall) never seems to run dry. There is always something new to think about- a good bang for the buck. And as my hopes begin to mount, Baby Bargains (Denise and Alan Fields)- 5th edition. There are many more, but this is a quicklist. Jo |
| Frustration |
Date Posted: 04-12-2005 at 07:02 AM |
| I know that I am intense when it comes to adoption. I want to convert the world. But I also know that I come across too strong sometimes. My husband has some stress at work right now, but I still feel compelled to spill over with joy about fingerprinting and the like. Somehow, especially when I least want it to, my conversation turns to strollers, open-adoption, or how soon we might get matched. It feels like 2 steps forward, 1 step back some days. I don't know if it will always be like this. He is usually the practical one and I am the impulsive one so we balance each other out. Days like this, when I feel like we are polar opposites are still hard to deal with. ????????????? |
| That Dear Birthmother Letter |
Date Posted: 04-12-2005 at 01:45 PM |
| I've worked on my Dear Birthmother letter. (My husband is writing his own too, something recommended by the agency.) I've gotten all sorts of beautiful papers cut to just the right size. I have some pictures already, but I want to get some more of dh and I together- my mom has more of those so I am hoping I can find some at her house. I mentioned this already in a post today, but it is really hard trying to cram all of the love and fun and hope that we have into four pages. I am a reasonably good writer, and family and friends have said they like it. An acquaintance who is a birthmother liked it but said there were other things that were important to her too. I hope I get a chance to talk to her soon about what the other things were. I don't like that I just have to trust that the right person will read it and like us and choose us. This is definitely one of those areas where control flies right out the window although I grasp for the few things I can make "perfect." |
| another book/adoption changes |
Date Posted: 04-13-2005 at 07:55 AM |
| I just happened to be at Half Price Books yesterday and I found this fabulous book for only 6.98. It is about the history of transracial adoption (primarily black children placed with white families). It also contains lots of interviews with grown transracial adoptees, talking about their experience, opinions, and advice. Dh was in the room with me while I was reading and he said he hadn't seen me so into a book in ages. I is called In Their Own Voices- Simon and Roorda. Meanwhile, dh and I sat out on the patio and read last night for a while, and we had a nice chat before sleep. Sometimes all of the other stresses of life just make the obstacles of adoption seem insurmountable. I think we are going to put off submitting all of our homestudy forms until we go to our next education seminar in two weeks. It will feel like an eternity for me, but dh needs things to be slow and reasoned and rational. I often go with my gut and then full steam ahead. We went to a marriage class at our church and they said that some people are hedgehogs and some people are rhinoceri. When it comes to change of any kind I am a total rhinoceros. I want to bust right through it. Dh gets a little prickly and wants to curl up until it goes away. That does not mean he does not want a child. We have been through this enough that I am sure we are united in our desire for a child and our ideas about parenting. But the process of change, and all of the VERY personal questions of the homestudy, just frustrate him. |
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