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Adoption Community Information
| When I was the Wife a RAD Child... |
Date Posted: 01-14-2005 at 05:48 PM |
| The other night Tori called from her lonely room at college. She has been calling more often this year since her boyfriend has stayed out of her way and is looking for a job. Now the two are seperated by a few hundered miles which as a MOM has not bothered me. Tori called to ask if our insurance and her father's insurance will cover counseling for her... After I told her it will I asked what on earth was the matter? She says she is having a great deal of anxiety lately and seems to be fixating on things that end up keeping her awake. I talked for awhile about the changes she is experiencing and how this really is the first time in her life that she has been alone. But she says that she understands all this on a real level but what has been keeping her awake is that she knows her dad will never be able to love her....  It breaks my heart to hear this pain. And the only thing I have to offer is that I understand how she is feeling because I tried and still do love her father--it is just that he is not able to give anyone else kive in return. He was adopted back in the 60's and the dark ages before so many things were understood. He has issues that have never been faced or dealt with in relation to his adoption and formed feelings no man should have about women... I don't have too many nice things to say about his adoptoive mother for years I blamed her for that man her son was. ....Gosh I have learned a lot from becoming and adoptive mother. I wish that I had known about Reactive Attachment Disorder back when I was married to the father of Sean and Tori..... I think I would have been able to be a much better wife had I known anything. It was an unreal life living with a man who was not able to attach to anyone completely. I always assumed he simply had problems with woman and hated them deeply. There were times when I felt life was utterly imposible. This man had a way of minipulation I had never seen before or since until I became Makala's mother... And now I do understand. Anyone who is the parent of a RAD kid knows how hard life is... Imagine your RAD son growing up and getting married far too young...Whew it was a long 14 years and I thought I was completely crazy. I wish I had known what I do today--I wish his parents had been helped in this issue and that he would have been able to heal before he met me. I wish he had taken time after I left him and healed before running into the arms of another unsespecting woman... I wish there was a way for him to love himself enough that someone else might be able to love him as well....I wish his children did not feel that they were not loved by the man who had no control and no help to attach in the first place. When I was the wife a a RAD child I was alone and never could find any reason that really fit exactly to define the issues we had... Now I have it and it is too late that life--that boy is behind me. |
| A day on the ICE |
Date Posted: 01-16-2005 at 01:17 AM |
| It was so wondeful the other night when DH gave Makala and I both an early Birthday present--Tickets to the National Ice Skating Womans Freestyle Finals---to see Michell Kwon!!! Makala and I have been buzzing since the day we found out--tickled to the core! The first book Makala and I read together was a Michell biography and we NEVER miss an ice skating show....So WOW what and honor when the 2005 finals were in OUR town! Well everything changed when we woke up today and Portland had been HIT with one of our aweful ICE STORMS.... We watched as ALL Events in the city were cancelled and we waited to see if the MIGHT reset the Ice show--but no that was not going to happen....so now what? Well UNLIKE me I decided to investigate the bus and MAX train and found they were running and that it really would be possible to get there....If we could get down off the top of Bull Moutain where we live...Usually a very difficult event on days like this....But It was Michell Kwon and well--worth a try at least. We stocked the van with food--water--blankets and all that kind of junk and I got a big bag and filled it with Kitty litter so we could walk on the icy road to catch the bus......We made it down the Moutain and parked the car and got out and both of us fell right on our rumps...and slid several feet....but, I got the kitty litter out and we managed to get back up. With Makala walking in front of me--one step at a time--I tossed some litter on the road and we took a step--one step at a time. We finally made it to the corner when low and behold a Fire Engine pulled up---and the (cute) firemen leaned out and asked what on earth we were doing and where we were going....When they heard they asked if we wanted a ride a few miles down to the transit center--Of course what woman young or old would refuse a ride with (cute) firemen? The best part was when they got out and scouped Makala up and put her in the truck she had a smile from ear to ear--but even more thrilling was when the strong (cute) firemen picked me up! I have not had a thirll like that in years! Well we got to the transit center with a 15 mile bus ride ahead and the driver pulled up and we got in and he said our ride was free-in fact he gave us a pass to get home with! And we drove the ice rode to the center of downtown Portland and got our to catch the MAX train....and finally made it to the Rose Garden (Arena).... Everyone was so filled fith fun and adventure and we all believed the weather guessers (reporters) who said by evening we would see a thaw! Wrong--Wrong--Wrong!!!! After we saw Michell win her 9th Nationals Title we left the Rose Garden to cathc the Max back and then the bus and then hope we could make it back up Bull Moutain....oh my!!! I was really regretting the whole trip! But after freezing and shivering with a large crowd we all got to know each other and believe it or not there was even singing in the streets! We finally caught the MAX...and then waited some more for the bus and then drove forever scared half to death on a FULL bus to the parking spot at the buttom of Bull Moutain and there stood daddy with his Truck warmed up and chained up and he wisked us safely up the moutian home...where we have had a day we will never forget! I like memories---and the day would have NEVER been this fun without all the ICE! |
| Rain, Rain go away! I can't stand the ugly Gray! |
Date Posted: 01-17-2005 at 11:17 AM |
| Why would someone who cannot stand the rain choose to live in Oregon? If I had a dime for eveyday I wake up wishing for some sunshine I would be a millionarie!!! And people wonder why our kids are FAT? Goodness look outside!!!! All I want to do today is sit by the fire and eat -- eat --EAT!!! In order to get any real exercise I would have to pack up the car and drive someplace which will most likely cost admission to enter and include a conssion stand! We could go to the mall where I would have to say, "NO." ten thousand times and then still end up with that Hot Pretzel with cheese or the Cinniomn Rolls.... Not up to that today We could get into the car and go to the same mesuems that we go to every single time we need to go someplace dry in all the days we cannot play at the park....Or not....it would still require hats, coats and mittens and a stop at McDonalds on the way home.... We could be creative and find some games to play--read books all day--or redecorate the bedrooms--If we had not been doing that everyday for the past two weeks with a good six months left to go..... Not in the mood today.... Waiting for the 5th of July is sure real hard in January!!!! How many times can we watch the Barbie Areobics vedio from the 80's? Or play tent with the kitche chairs? Or make healthy cookies? Or look out the windows hopeful that enough sun comes down we might be able to ride a bike in the cul-de-sac? When I retire it will be to the sunbelt--why do people live in Oregon? It is so hard to be GREEN. |
| Tuesdays.... :) |
Date Posted: 01-18-2005 at 12:21 PM |
| Tuesdays--the day that my mother's helper has off during the week--the day both kids have something special and educational to do and I am FREE to do the things that give me the energy to get up tomorrow....Oh how I do love my Tuesdays! In reality I planned to spend these days cleaning and working on projects at home that are hard to get done with the kids around....In truth I have a secret...and I am very selfish with my Tuesdays...most often spending them lounging around as I did before I became a mother again..... No one needs to know this.... But at 4pm or so I will run around like a crazy nut and rearrange things just enough it LOOKS like I used this time well.... But, when you think about it I really have because what good would I be if I gave myself to time to reenergize? Tuesdays are my Favorite day of the week--the day I take care of the Mother of my children.... |
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