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This is a whole new experiance for me, and im not entirely sure what it is im trying to acheive,I guess the reason im on here is because being adopted is like being part of a secret circle and you never quiet know who is and who is'nt, but from a personel view point I always have felt a 'bond' like feeling when comming across other adoptees. I honestly do not know were to begin. I am in my forty's. I am from an irish background. My adopted parents are truly wonderful people. but like many adoptees, I felt like I didn't fitted in. This wasn't about them, it was about me. My parents were honest and as open as they could be regarding my adoption and told me as much as they could. So in that sense, they have been so good. There was nothing they could say, nothing they could do, this was entirely about me. They loved me and I love them. I just did'nt fit in. I remember being six years old at school. At play time the other children would go off skipping and playing tag. I used to do this thing were I would distance myself and stand in the corner in the cold. I would think about my birth mother, and wonder how she was and if she was thinking of me. I always had this feeling that she loved me. I don't know if this will make any senseto you, but it's her and it's always been about her. There's just so much, too much. Perhaps, as time goes by I can tell you more. The long and short of it is at the age of 36 I finally found my birth mother. What can I say, there's not enough words, she's the love of my life. Im in regular contact via phone. I haven't seen her for the last two years but I know i'll be seeing her this year. It's just so hard because things are complicated. It's a heart breaking situation im in and sometimes I just feel totally broken. I wish to god things had been different. When we're together I feel like im back were I truly belong and it's the happiest I've ever been. Well that's all for now, but for anyone out there searching, take it from me, never give up. Love and best wishes to you all, Shelley xxx