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Part of: cetalley's Journal A SOUND.....MADE OF SILENCE....MOURNFUL& HEART WRENCHING...:( |
Date Posted: 03-30-2009 at 12:23 PM Comments(0) |
| Today, like most others, is usual, it is Monday, and I have new hopes and responsabilities! It is calving season here on the farm, one has to be very cautious, and mindful of what "our" girls are going through. It always happens with out fail, that a cow getting ready to birth, will indeed do so when it storms. No one has yet been able to explain this oddity to me, but it is a fact, and you can set your clock by it. When calving we have to be very diliget in checking and keeping an eye on each as we progress to that glorious day. There truly is nothing more emotional and heart warming than to see and be blessed to watch new calves come into the world. Mommy is very anxious when the birthing starts, she will wander for hours back and forh, just finding the exact right spot to bring her young into this world. She is cautious , and rightfull so. There are many things to worry about when birthing. On has to make sure Mommy is not too stressed, and does not strain to a point of giving in to the hardship of bringing a 100 lb. baby to its feet. My Hottie amazes me, each time he is keen to a Mommy whom may or may not need his help. I do not know how he knows just the right time to step in...or to back away and allow GOD and nature to give hand...but he does! Without fail, she will immediately clean, and get her baby on his/ or her feet, as if her life depended on it. She will in her own very sweet, muffled voice, tell her baby exactly what is expected of it, and so how this minute old baby knows exactly what it is being told. Sometimes though, no matter what, we fail...all of us whom are Mothers do understand what it is to fail at something , when it comes to our babies. My hottie pulled into the drive , and quickly brought out the most beautiful baby , he is black, and glistens like stars, he is indeed a miracle,but his Mommy gave birth too close to the creek bank, and was trying to lead her baby back across the creek, and he stumbled, and lay there until Hottie came too help...probably about 8 hrs. He had checked and she was fine at Midnight, and was close , but Hottie felt comfortable. So upon checking on 2 of the 3 we were birthing with, he found our little boy on his side, and Mommy willing her son to come up the bank...all without fail. Hottie brought himback to Mommy and she was grateful but also cautious to get her son away from Hottie. He watched her for an hour, then left to go check on the others. We then mended some fence, and did our rounds, some chores to accomplish, then it is time to go check again. He has brought me this little baby, so shiney, so shakey, and so quiet, and explains , he will be our guest, to feed as if he were my own...and this I will do! He informs me we do indeed have 2 more calves, and all seems to be fine, but wishes to keep an eye on one..for he thinks, Mommies teet are to large and baby is struggling to get its milk. It is so vital to their life to get fed that first few moments of life, for they cannot survive long without the colostrum. My Hottie, there really are no words that are adequate to bring forth his meaning...I am in awe! He goes to make his rounds, and says he feel the baby is doing fine, but will need to be checked at first light. I do so after feeding our lil black stallion, whom was very hard to bring up on his feet, and was hesitant, to suckle the teet I have offered him, but he felt, this must be his fate, and gives in with vigor. I go to leave, and he follows, for now I am his Mommy. I close the door, and this tiny little muffled bellar comes out...it is more like a queazy cry, but it is a sound like no other. I go over to the other farm to check on Baby, whom was okay but needed to be checked, and what I see, is saddening on many levels. Just like I always cry when I watch a Mommy give Birth, I too do the same when I recognize her mourn! I must go closer to know for sure that her baby is indeed dead. She is talking so softly and telling it to be very quiet, and not to move, because I am coming closer and she is not sure why! Mommies have a tendency to not trust us with their new born, and therefore explains to her babies to do as they are told. I talk to mommy and try to explain, I am only here to check up on her and her new pride. She is very anxious though and decides it is best to continue talking in her so so sweet language to her little one. I can see her baby is not layng right, and her utters are so so large, which means only one thing...her baby is gone. I manage to get closer, and see for sure...this is indeed true. Mommy continues to so loving coo to her baby, but only with caution of me, and only with what she knows for herself...is of no use. I silently watch and back away from her baby, and I listen. This is what I hear: She is talking, she is almost so low in her cooing that it is almost a whisper. I feel the breeze, and the sun, it is warming, and she walks a few steps, then turns back to coo some more. All the while, the other girls in the group are away from her and her young, and going about their life as if nothing is wrong. She continues to instruct, teach, and softly mourn her baby. For she does know, but nature will not allow her to leave her baby. I can see that her baby has been tromped...probably many times..and only for 1 reason has this happened, to protect her baby from a predator. I know her day will be long, and I too know she will not leave that baby...even though it is dead, she will continue to will it back. I silently watch, tears have clouded my seeing, my knowing, and tears have brioken my spirit. I ask GOD why, but I hear the wind, feel the sun, and listen to all of natures sound...except the one I wish nothing more than to hear...the baby coo back to its mommy. I walk , with my walking stick in hand, and slowly turn every few feet! Myabe...was I wrong? Maybe, was I not close enough to know for sure? Did I imagine it? Was her baby doing as it were told, to play dead so-to-speak? I watch Mommy...no I am sure, she mourns and aches, she is bawling now, she is trying to tell me to stay and help her and her baby! I look back, every few feet, and offer only how so so sorry that I am. I question , if I had been here just a feww hours ealier..could I have saved her baby? I question, why GOD gifts us these ever so gentle, and smart animals...just to in return take them back? I question..if there is truly a GOD, then is he capable of so much hurt? I then ask GOD, please allow Mommy to stop her mourn, her heart wrenching beller, I ask GOD to please offer her some sort of guidance, and to ease her pain! I do not know if GOD is hearing my cries....When I tell you that SOUND is...SILENCE...it trly is, for to watch this heart wrenching mourn of a mother whom loses her baby....one can only hear the wind! I look into her eyes, I am about 25 ft away now, she looks into mine, and sees...sees what she already knows, and agin, I tell her how truly sorry I am...she does not hear, for she is too busy begging me to help with her bawl! I CANNOT! |
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