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Part of: DancinBear63's Journal We declined a referral |
Date Posted: 03-09-2009 at 09:20 AM Comments(0) |
| I have posted two threads about this, but forgot to include it in the journal. We got a call about a baby, and declined to accept the referral. It's weird to be typing this. I mean, after all the time, energy, prayers, and $$$ that we've invested, it never occured to me that our answer might be 'no'. Here's what happened: While at work, I received a message that our social worker had called. I never imagined that she would call about a baby, and instead thought she had news about our profile- perhaps a form hadn't been signed, or she had new ideas about how to make ourselves more marketable. Instead, she put me on speakerphone, and told me that a baby girl had been born, and that DH and I had been chosen to parent her. The baby was a healthy 2 week old little girl, that was temporarily in cradle care (newborn foster service). I can't begin to tell you how exciting this was- I was shaking, my face was flushed, I couldn't breathe. I grabbed a pen, and began to write down everything that they said. Then the red flags popped up. For the sake of this being a public forum, I'll not go into details, but instead say that there were some issues with substance abuse that we weren't comfortable with, as well as some other chronic illnesses. I was stunned! This was not what we had expected. Our agency told us that when we were contacted, it would be to determine if we would like our profile shown. To us, that meant that we'd have this information before the potential birthmother had our info. I felt totally blindsided. When I called my husband about the match, like me he was a little less than thrilled with the order of events, and also had similar concerns about the potential placement. My gut said no, my mind said no, my heart said maybe. Throughout the rest of the afternoon and evening, I thought about this placement, prayed about it, fixated upon it. I spoke to friends and family. I became more comfortable with my 'no'. Mike had some feelings of guilt, but totally agreed with me. This child, who we wish great health and happiness for, is not meant to be our child. The next day, I felt okay, Mike felt okay, we were okay. But doubt is one sneaky devil, and by the time I got to work, I had decided to reconsider. Fortunately, two things happened. The first was that I discussed the issue with my senior partner. He has the knack for saying the right thing at the right time. He looked at me, smiled, and said, "No. This is not what you need." He spoke tenderly of all of the joys and sorrows of parenthood, and suggested that we not begin the process with the deck stacked against us. I got teary, he made his point, turned around and left. The second thing that happened was that I got an email from our social worker. She had more information. It turns out that there were even more issues at hand than they had initally shared with me. For some reason, that was all I needed to see to know that the decision was the right one. We definitely could not be the parents to this child. So, here we are, emotionally drained, physically spent, but much clearer for having gone through this. It'll be okay. It always is. |
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