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Part of: Amy2U's Journal I Met My Biological Aunt in Person |
Date Posted: 07-24-2006 at 12:17 PM Comments(0) |
| July 14-19 I flew into Edmonton last Sunday night. Through the whole 8 hr. day, I stared at the pic. of her that I printed out so I would have an idea of who to look for when I got off the plane. Then, as I shyly walk off the plank, she comes straight to me and hugs me and we go to the washroom. When I get out of my stall, she is there with tears in her eyes, but she tries not to show it. We went home. She had to work the next day. Actually she worked every day in the a.m. I got to look through all the photo albums, and old papers of my grandparents, and my mother's too. It was hard for my aunt to talk about how my bmom is dealing with all this. Oh, I know, I should copy and paste what I emailed my husband every day, while I was there: Anyhow, we looked at pictures tonight, went for an HOUR walk, and SHE WALKS FASTER THAN ME!!!! Oh, I had a blister on my heel and I wore running shoes! She's like 5 foot 2 and bigger boned, yet she is fast!!! I'm worn out. Well, something interesting. . . . . She thinks my bmom DOES know who my birth father is, and that the man is probably someone THEY STILL KNOW AND HAVE CONTACT WITH UP TIL NOW. She doesn't know WHO, and has no clue, 'cause her and my bmom were not living near each other at the time, but have mutual friends now, since my bmom was pregnant with me. She told my bmom a while ago, "I think Amy has a RIGHT to have information about her birth father, it's the least you could do." My bmom told her it wasn't her problem. Sooo. . . . . . .I don't know. I played some music I've sung, and my aunt says, you don't get the music gift from our family, it must be the other side. She may talk to my bmom again. My bmom KNOWS I'mhere, and told my aunt, "Do NOT introduce your kids to her! It may stir up questions." So, my aunt can't even let them SEE me, even if she lies about who I am, my bmom is afraid they will see the resemblance in me. It's good. She gave me a hug before bed just now. She initiated it TOTALLY, NON HUGGY PERSON, so it's kind of taking me back. Wow! What an interesting day! At lunch, I gave my aunt my pile of search info that I'd done since I was 8 and she read through the stuff, and the letter my bmom wrote me in '98. Come to find out, SHE TOLD MY BMOM TO WRITE ME, and SHE READ THE LETTER WHEN MY BMOM WROTE IT. She said "Your bmom is still upset that I convinced her to write you." Well, my aunt told me that she was going to tell anyone she saw while I was here that I was a distant cousin. Well, tonight, we went to one of my aunt's elementary/highschool friends house in Ponoka, and MY AUNT introduced me to her friend as a distant cousin then all of a sudden she said, "Actually, I can't lie, Amy is actually my sister's daughter. My sister gave her up at birth when she was 18, and noone knows except me. My sister didn't want me telling the kids or ANYONE, but I can't hold it in, Amy is my neice!" I GASPED. I couldn't believe it. I heard, "Amy's my neice!" Oh, and at lunch today, she put on a homemade CD of the song, "Amy" by the Pure Prairie League. It was the song that SHE and my bmom named me after. She named me with my bmom. Like the whole song has that meaning of how hard it was to let you leave us." My aunt cried today at lunch, and I apologized(I don't know what for, you know me) and she said, "No, don't apologize, it's just bringing back those feelings. We did not want to let you go, and now my sister won't even be thankful that you're back after all these years." My Aunt has NO EARTHLY IDEA who the father is. She wishes she could just sneak me the name and I could run with it, but she has NO CLUE where my bmom lived and who my bmom knew at that time. So, I'll just wait and pray., Then tonight, she called another friend on her cell phone, and I guess they are coming with us to dinner tomorrow night, and AGAIN, My aunt said, "Actually, Amy is my neice. My sister had a baby at 18, and gave her up for adoption, so she's here visiting me. My sister doesn't want ANYONE to know, but as long as our family doesn't find out, I dont' see why I have to lie to everyone. Amy is MY NEICE." I JUST SAT THERE, in SHOCK. 'Cause I just haven't been able to READ my aunt and what she is thinking or anything. OH, I told her I didnt' want to tell their dad, because I don't want him upset with my aunt, 'cause she's opened up to me and let me come and email and call, and it could hurt HER, if her dad got upset for her keeping the secret too. Then my aunt said, "He may just get mad at me for SPEAKING FOR HIM. He could be totally fine with the idea, and say, 'how dare you tell her how I'd react to something like this, when you dont' know how I'd react." So, either way, he'd be upset. We both agree, it's just better if my bmom tells him, and if she doesn't, it's not meant to be. Plus she said it would be EASIER for him to PROCESS if I lived CLOSER to him, SO HE'D SEE ME, and MY BOYS, and ENJOY who I am and the boys. But, with me living so far away, IT WOULD BE HARD TO PROCESS reality that is not PRESENT INFRONT OF HIM to deal with. Tonight, I went out on a boat on the lake. Oh it was beautiful and picked wild strawberries, and saskatoons and raspberries. OH, I just want to go home and PLANT berries and TOMATOES. I just don't know how or where!!!! Well, that's the whole sum of it. Then when she dropped me off at the airport on Friday a.m., she hugged me, she hugged me EVERY NIGHT BEFORE BED, but when I was leaving Friday she also said, "I love you" It meant a lot. she told me she had a great time and she is looking forward to getting to know each other, and hopefully next summer, she is coming down here to see us. I need a hug. I need someone to hold me. Other than my husband. I miss my aunt. I cried so hard on that plane going home. I feel like I've known her all my life. I love her. I love her. I miss her sooo much. It's been one week today that I said good bye to her. I miss her. I missed her all week. I'm so glad I'm back with the forums because I don't know what I'd do without this outlet. I really pray my bmom will decide to call me. That my aunt will just say the right thing to her to turn on a switch and give her the courage to let me in. |
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