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Part of: Aura's Thoughts trying to keep my head above water |
Date Posted: 06-20-2006 at 06:53 PM Comments(0) |
| I haven't journaled in a while, seems I barely have time to post. everytime I turn around something else goes wrong and I don't know how much more I can take! All this started in May when my SIL overdosed and ended up in the hospital in Billings, then a friend of mine, more like a brother to me had a heart attack and ended up in CICU, then one of my friends, she is like a second mother to me, got a call from her son, he has a cancerous brain tumor and they can't operate, they are going to try to shrink it and now my father in law had a heart attack last Tuesday and had triple bypass surgery on thursday, he is doing okay but what is with all the health issues lately? I am still having stomach problems but I do not have the time to go to the doctor, I can't miss any hours at work or we can't pay the bills and my hubby doesn't seem to want to find a job...I am at the end of my rope here too! Then to top it all off Jenny pulled another no show! Hubby and I's anniversary was the 12th and my birthday was the 13th, Jenny called and was adiment about spending time together because this was the first birthday we were going to have together in 34 years and I thought hey, great, maybe after the Easter incident she has changed. WRONG! She calls an hour before she is supposed to be here and leaves a message on my machine that she isn't feeling well and can't make it. I was so mad I went outside to work in the flower beds for a while, my hubby and I had changed our plans for the evening and decided to celebrate our anniversary a few days later so I could celebrate with Jenny, last time I change plans for her!! She kept calling every ten minutes but I was too mad to answer, finally I did. She asked if I got her message and I said yes, she said she had to be honest with me, she was having a panic attack and had a few shots as she was out of her anxiety meds (althought I doubt how well they work with all the drinking she does) and now she was drunk..she knew I didn't want her around if she had been drinking so she wasn't going to make it. I told her I was glad she told me the truth, I knew she was lying in the message she left and if she ever lied to me again I was done!! She wanted my to find time in my schedule to meet up with her so she could give me my gift and I simply told her I would try but I was busy. The next day my FIL had a heart attack and we have by his side since then. My depression is kicking in hard, I am trying to stay above it but somedays, more than others lately, it is getting hard to. I feel like I am drowning and there is nothing I can do about it. On top of all of this my marraige is in trouble and I feel like I am the only one who is trying to save it, my strength is wearing out! We had another girl quit at work today so we are short handed, my poor boss has been at work for almost 17 hours, this is her third day in a row like this, I have worked alot of overtime but with all this going on I don't know how much longer I can keep up. I just had four days off but I don't feel rested...I sound like a whinner here so I will just close! I keep telling myself that God won't give me more than I can handle but I am screaming for mercy here, I have had enough. I think I will just go to bed, I have no strength to post tonight and I am tired of listening to myself complain. Tubby, good cry and hopefully some sleep! |
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