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Part of: bubblest's Journal The Saga continues..... |
Date Posted: 05-25-2006 at 08:03 PM Comments(0) |
| Ok, back to my story..... After we checked out of the hospital my sister came up from Portland to spend a few days. It was so nice having that support. My FD was not 100% better yet and still very uncomfortable so she only slept if someone held her or if her binkie was in her mouth. The problem was that every 10 minutes or so she would spit out the binkie and start crying again. We took turns sleeping so one of us would sleep and the other take care of the baby. Halfway through the night I realized that is what it must be like to have a husband or partner. That's one of the first times I have been sad about being single since I started the adoption process. It would just be so much easier to share the responsibility with someone. But then a day or two later, she gave me her first real smile and I realized that I will be the one who gets to share all the good times with my child, too! That more than makes up for the hard times! Anyway....we coasted through the next couple days. I started working from home and that was going smoothly. Two days after we got home, it was time for a check up to see how my FD was doing. I almost started crying from relief when the doctor said she was completely on track. Only 7 more days of antibiotics and we would be done. One tip for giving medication to infants that I learned from the nurses at the hospital....It is really easy if you put the binkie in the baby's mouth and squeeze the medicine in through the side of her mouth while she's sucking on the binkie. It goes right down that way with hardly any being spit out! I'm a pro at that now!! After the doctor appt my sister went home and we started establishing our daily routine. Basicly, the baby would sleep for an hour or two, wake up crying for a bottle, diaper would be changed, we would talk (I talked, she coo'd) and play, diaper would be changed again, then she would fall back asleep. This was in about 3 hour cycles 24 hours a day. While she slept I tried to work. Talk about tired! What happened to the whole "Mom sleeps when baby sleeps" thing? For some reason that only happened at night. Finally at about 2 months old she started only waking up once a night. If I gave her a bottle at 10, she slept until around 2am then woke up again at 6am. That was the perfect schedule. I started to feel like myself again with 5-6 hours of sleep everynight! As far as visits were going....her mom and presumed father continued to show up for their visits 3 times a week. I wasn't too concerned, though, because I was being assured by everyone involved that it was highly unlikely she would be placed with them. Finally after she had been with me 7 weeks, I got the call from my placement worker I was dreading. She said, "I have some bad news. The DNA tests have come back and he is the father. The state will be having a family preparation meeting in a few weeks to decide what is going to happen." I broke down. Luckily my FD was at a visit with her parents so she was not there. We talked on the phone for about 30 minutes and I was crying the whole time. Even though she was reassuring me that the sooner my FD went home the sooner she would be back in foster care I did not feel better. I would be the one they would call if that happens, but in order for that something bad would have to happen to her. I love her too much to hope for something like that. The baby was dropped off a couple hours later. By then I had collected myself and had a new hope that something would happen. My FD's SW was going to talk to the father about voluntary relinquishment so I thought that might work. I was completely caught off guard when the the facilitator for the family preparation meeting called at 4:30 that afternoon asking if I could attend the meeting in two days! Of course I said yes, but I really did not understand why things were happening so fast. I called my Mom to see if she could babysit while I was at the meeting. She took the afternoon off work to spend with my FD. Can I just say I have the best mom ever???? After a day and a half of dread, it was time to go to the meeting. LM from my agency who did my homestudy came with me since my placement worker had trial to attend with another family. She drove, thank god! When she first offered to drive I said no, but she said "You might be ok on the way there, but believe me, you won't want to drive home." When we got there her parents were there along with some other family members. While my FD's father came over to shake my hand when I got there and thank me for coming, her mom just looked up said "hi" then looked back down again. He also came over and sat with us while we waited. I have to say that I really do like him. We talked about some potential formula changes I had been considering, her most recent check up, etc. It was obvious that he respected what I have to say about his daughter. Once they called us back to the conference room everyone else started showing up. As each member of the team working with my FD entered the room they waived at me and said hi. Two of them gave me a hug and asked if I was ok, which I should have taken as a clue as to what would be happening. Everything I had been told preparing for the meeting was that everyone involved in the case would be there including the parents, SWs, caseworker from the hospital that treated the withdrawls, etc to help decide what the next steps would be. When her SW opened the meeting she said it was to determine how to transition the baby to her father. I have to say I was caught off guard. Apparently the father, his attorney and the SW had already met the day before to decide what would happen. I will never forget the feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was like I was watching everything happen to someone else. Based on everthing I heard I know that sending my FD to live with her father is the right thing to do. If I was not involved I would think they would be crazy not too, but that still did not take the pain out of making the arrangements to transition her to live with him within the next 3 days. A few times I started crying. I really tried not to, because this should be an exciting time for him and I didn't want to take that away. The supervisor of that office was sitting in on the meeting to make sure certain guidelines and expectations were set. When I first started crying she said to everyone "See what happens when you have a terrific foster mom? She gets attached and loves the child as if it were her own." That makes me cry thinking about it now. As everyone went around the table giving their input, they each said good things about the progress the baby has made in my care. It was very sweet and helped to make it through that awful 2 hours. Finally the meeting was over and we were getting ready to leave when someone brought out a picture of the baby and started passing it around. That was just too much. It felt like someone had a picture of my baby that I didn't authorize. I had to get out so LM and I hung out in the restroom while I pulled it together and everyone else left. I was so glad I did not have to drive home. We stopped at a 7eleven to get diet cokes and got in traffic. During that 30 minute drive I was able to talk through a lot of my grief and convince myself that this is a good thing for the baby. That really is the most important thing. Selfishly I wanted her to stay, but whenever possible children do belong with their families as long as it is safe to do so. If this baby has a home to go to it just means I'm available for another one who doesn't. That sounds nice, but it's hard to make your heart believe it! When I got home my mom was there with the baby who was sleeping. We both cried for awhile when I told her what happened. Mom helped me realize that I had 3 nights left to enjoy the baby and I should make the most of it rather than spend it being sad. |
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