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Part of: Saving the twins just need to vent re: bad news |
Date Posted: 05-09-2006 at 06:19 PM Comments(0) |
| I am so completely devastated that they returned the twins to their birth parents. I was so full of hope. I was sure that they wouldn't go back, and that parental rights would be terminated right away. I called the state adoptions worker from CA. She was shocked and mad. She asked me why I thought "they" didn't see what's really happening with that family. "They" being those with the power to get the babies into a safe home. All I could guess is that the type of abuse and neglect that the twins are suffering from is hard to see and prove. For instance, the family was accused of drugging the babies to get them asleep at night. How can you prove that? They should have done a drug test on the girls. BTW, I'm assuming that the "drugs" in question are children's pain reliever that makes kids sleepy. I do know that there was a almost empty bottle sitting out when I visited the family when the girls were 7mos old. I am so numb. I feel as if I've been punched in the stomach. And I know that family and friends want to help. But, they aren't. They are sorry that I didn't get the twins but maybe it's for the best. It wasn't in God's plan. They just don't get it!!!! How selfish do people think I am? I do morn the loss of the girls coming into my family. Yes, it is a loss to me. I had plans and dreams. But oh my goodness! That is NOT what I am so upset about! Those precious girls have been put back into a H*** Hole of a living situation. That's it. I tried and failed. I can live with failing, that's not the problem. But how can I live with knowing that I can't do anymore. My daughter's sisters will grow up damaged. Oh, I tell myself to stop being dramatic. But the truth of it is that the girls are already showing signs of negect. One friend has been supportive though this whole thing. She decided that if I get ready for the girls, they would come. So she took me out shopping and bought some clothes for the girls. Later that day, I got word that the girls were placed into a foster home! But today, when my friend found out that the girls were returned to their family, she asked for the clothes back, so that she could return them. They need the money. I totally get that. Of course she should take them back. But, it hurt so much to take those clothes that were for these little girls, and put them back into a bag to be returned, and take them over to my friend's house. It devastated me. I've put so much into this quest. Too much maybe. I don't know if I can survive trying anymore. For today, although I know in my head that God has a plan and it is good; in my heart, I struggle to have faith. I feel as if there is no hope. I have given up. For today. I know that I sound pathetic. I know some are rolling their eyes reading this. I know that I am too emotionally involved. But maybe somebody, maybe just one person, understands how I feel. "T's" adoptive mom, is there for me. She is the ONLY one (and her husband) that understand what I feel. Thank God for them. As sad as I am; she's mad!!! Boy, is she fired up. I so needed to hear that from her. |
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