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Part of: How it all began! What got me into this business... |
Date Posted: 03-23-2006 at 04:27 PM Comments(0) |
| I guess I had thought about being a parent someday... but never thought much of it. I was one of those people who had fun and partied a lot and never thought I would get any older. I was trying to stay in my early 20's forever... In 2001, at the age of 27, I started to do more grown up things, like buy a house... I couldn't figure out who to date, so didn't... I was a special education teacher who had been working part time at Orchard Place in Des Moines. Orchard Place is a residential treatment center for kids with mental health issues... I enjoyed it a lot... I went to school to be a teacher and liked the teacher hours (and months off of work) so stuck with teacing, even though I would have rather switched to Orchard Place as my main job... I learned to like being in the caretaker role. I was tired of working all the time, so I quit Orchard Place as my part time jog... I still like Orchard Place and teach summer school there! For some other reason, in 2001, I had thoughts of becoming a mentor or a big brother... I never did sign up for it, but for some reason, I felt it was something I should do... I think I was feeling that I wasn't making much of a differenc in the lives of the students I taught in my special education classes at the alternative school in which I taught, whereas at Orchard Place, I felt as though I was making a bigger difference for some of the kids... Maybe if I were a big brother for somebody, I would feel I was making a difference for someone again. In 2001 I became a mentor for a student (A) who attended the school I taught. I taught at an alternative school - and the BD program on top of that. The BD programs in this alternative school had a reputation of having kids that were pretty bad... A was 13 at the time and attended that program... and had a lot of issues he had a hard time dealing with in his life (abandoned by bio mom, little sister was very sick - in hospice and he was not allowed to see her as he was abandoned by bio mom and sis was with her, he was living with bio dad who was going throught a nasty divorce, and A was extrememly ADHD in getting into lots of petty trouble in school and at home - driving his dad nuts). For some reason seemed to understand him well and we bonded quickly. We did a lot together and his dad welcomed my involvement - A's behavior started improving - things were getting better A and his disfunctional situation. By the summer of 2002 I couldn't get away from A... He wanted to go everywhere with me! As he had quite the attachment to me (dysfunctional as it was) I also became quite attached to him as well... I was glad he was making better choices in his life... and in 2003, he found himself a girlfriend - he was now almost 15 years old. The funny thing about me is I noticed I was partying less and was coming to terms with nearly turning 30. My house (that I was fixing up), was getting to look more and more like a family home (and less like the mismatched bachelor pad apartment I had just a couple of years earlier). A started hanging with his girlfiend more and I even dated some. He was finally doing well on his own without me there all the time. I was proud of him... Then in February of 2003.... ... A (age 15) and his girlfriend T (age 16) broke the news to me that T was pregnant with A's baby... neither one had told anybody yet as T was tested that day in school in the health center. They didn't know what to do or how to do it... and they wanted my help. Of course, I did help them... by the end of that next summer (I hate to say negative things about their families...) but nobody had really helped them very much. I had taken A & T to drivers ed every day, we went to garage sales, I took T to almost all of her prenatal appointments... I think their families started to just expect that I would take care of them... and everyone agreed that my home would be the best, most stable place for them to live with their baby... They absolutely wanted to keep the baby, and they wanted to be together. By this time A's father had moved out of town, which meant A would have to change schools and move away from T and the baby... he hated that idea. I had the space in my big old house, I had resources, I helped T get everything should could for the baby from wherever she could get it... it was nuts. I was nuts! By November of 2003, I had a newborn little baby L and two teenagers living in my home... I learned to love having a family in my house! I helped with 3 am feedings, I changed lots of diapers, mixed lots of bottles, did lots of laundry, I helped teens with homework, I organized chore responsibilities, I drove mom and baby to lots of Dr. appointments... we were busy people! They did well, but as teenagers do... they started to feel the need for independence... Against my real feeling of "what's best", A's father helped them get a place of their own. I think he had some money and felt a bit guilty for having me do EVERYTHING for them... they moved out in October of 2004... and I missed having them there. Immediately I signed up for the foster parent PS-MAPP class. Knowing I liked having them there - I liked having a family in my house... this was already a thought in the back of my mind for when A & T would eventually move out... They moved out sooner than I thought they would... Baby L wasn't even a year old yet... I had the empty nest feeling! By the time I had my foster care license, A & T wanted to move back in... living on their own wasn't all it had cracked up to be... and much harder than they thought it would be... by then their relationship was deterriorating and they were engaging in lots of dramatic behaviors. I couldn't handle being around it... T had turned 18 and A was 16... there's no way I could have started over with them again in my home. It was a big decision to not let them move in, but I had my mind made up by this point to follow through with some kind of a special needs adoption. I wanted to be the parent, I wanted to call the shots... It was tricky at times with A & T... there were things I would want, or things I would want them to do or not do, but without the support of their parents, I didn't have much pull all the time... Sometimes their parents wouldn't support my views...not always, but it was tough sometimes...by the way, they were living under my roof, I should call the shots! I let them visit, and I babysat baby L a lot, but they did not move back in... as of March 2006, they're both dating other people and living in differen towns. T has baby L and A gets her on the weekends... I get to see them once or twice a month... I do still miss them! |
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