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Part of: Musings and Memories... Life in Boston |
Date Posted: 11-10-2005 at 05:59 PM Comments(0) |
| Though it was a matter of chance, my agency was really very, very good. In many ways, I really lucked out. One of the brilliant things that they did was house pregnant moms with a family that has already adopted. I don’t know how they stipulated that to the adoptive parents like “you will get a baby, but we also might call on you to take care of a mom“, but that is indeed what they did. I have tried to look at it from a critical angle, but really, I think it just breeds great compassion. There is no vested interest from either parties so it becomes very much based on human relations. Subtlety, it allows the pregnant mom to see what kind of life is possible for her child and what kind of folks get OK’d from the agency. More importantly, I think it gives an adoptive couple the time and willingness to really understand the plight of a relinquishing mother. While living there, I adored them. “Them” was Ken and Joan and their new daughter Kari. Kari was just a few months old..three? A beautiful baby and she was adored completely. Ken and Joan were wonderful parents. They were really good people. Both were attorneys, but Joan had left her practice to stay home with Kari. She was warm and funny and did a great job of making me feel right at home. Ken was kinda goofy with an endearing from of OCD..he would walk around making sure that magazines on coffee tables were lined up at right angles, things in neat little piles..it was cute. At first they had me set up in the finished basement so I could have my own space. About a month or so into it, I was moved upstairs to the guest bedroom. At that point, we had figured out that we all meshed really well and I was upstairs all the time anyway. Plus the real bed was better for a very pregnant me than the pullout sleeper. It’s funny the visions and memories that I have. I remember the yellow flowers on the sheets on the bed. I kept my few bags behind the bar in the basement. I spent a lot of time on a blue reclining chair in the guest/my room. I remember the layout of the bathroom, but can’t recall the color. I know the layout of the house still, but can only picture one specific piece of furniture..a large Chinese inspired hutch that had chipping paint. I ended up repairing it for them while I was there. Our days were spent doing normal household things. We went to the supermarket and I was very impressed with the grander of Star Markets, plus you had to say it with a Boston accent to make it more fun. We would go to Boston Chicken, when it was only in Boston still, and get dinner. I helped fold laundry. Kari’s Christening went on when I was there and I was part of the celebration with the whole family. I kept the dress from that for years and years. We went away for a long weekend when the Fall foliage was in full bloom…driving up to New Hampshire and winding through mountain vistas. Ended up at the outlet stores and made a few purchases. Went down to the Boston waterfront and Harvard yard. At in Little Italy and saw the real bar from Cheers. I admired all the cute and preppy college boys and wished I could take advantage of all the young males about, but knew that with being pregnant I was completely out of the loop. We did a lot of shopping. I was very impressed with the number of malls in the area. I got to see a lot of the area this way. Braintree, Waterford, etc. I would look at clothing I could no longer wear. How I longed for a pair of pants with a belt. Jeans never looked so good. We were able to buy more real maternity clothes as my camouflaged “real” clothing stopped working soon after arriving. Somewhere I bought a pair of “inspiration” pants that I coveted. Black and skin tight, they had little silver metal hooks up the fly. I was planning on being thin again. At one point, my feet got so fat that all I fit in was little Isotones slippers. I wore those silly shoes all over Boston. And, of course, I helped with the baby. I hung out with that baby all the live long day. I still have pictures of me and her sleeping together on the blue chair. It’s funny how I helped care for and raise my brother, I cared for Kari daily. Yet, it didn’t occur to me that I could do so for my own baby. I feed her, I changed her diapers, I sang to her and made her laugh. I also watched a lot of TV. Days of Our Lives was a favorite. And Pictonary was new that year, so I would laugh my butt off and scream at the TV since no one could really draw. I also made a lot of friendship bracletes..little woven things out of embroidery floss that I would mail to Laura and keep for myself. I wrote letters very carefully and adorned them with pretty stickers. I got back in touch with Darrin while I was there. We had not spoken really since my Senior prom. I went to prom with Bill. To me that was a great coup since we had broken up much earlier, but I had still fandangle it somehow. Laura was going with his best friend and her broken heart love, Christopher. So we were very excited by our dream dates. Aside from Bill’s car breaking down and Chris not wearing a tux making Laura’s mom squish her face into disapproving looks and muttering things about bad pictures, we were happy and excited. .Darrin I was mad at since I had just gone though the abortion with him and he was less than supportive. To ad insult to injury he was at my senor prom as the friendly date of our mutual friend Liz. Because I couldn’t leave well enough alone, I had to add some stupid drama and tell the very Catholic bill about the abortion AT the prom which caused a ridiculous pissing contest between the boys and a great tester one motivated desire to fist fight. While I could have adored all the attention over my honor, it did make Bill get in a foul mood and basically ruined all romantic plans that I had dreamed up. He pouted the rest of the evening. Anyway, I figured Darrin was pretty mad at me too, but always the romantic, I reached out to him again. It turned out that he was just about to go into the Army reserves and we were both away from home alone during the same time frame. It was nice to have letters go back and forth. It gave me some hope, something to dream about. A fantasy to think about for when we both “got out” and returned to real life. I was able to spend hours rereading his letters and looking hard between the lines for declarations of love and adoration. Not that there were much. More of descriptions of mud and gas masks, things about guns and firing ranges. His birthday occurred while we were both away and I careful planned a letter that would spring confetti on him upon opening. Not a good idea to do to one in Basic training. Confetti and inspections do not mix well and I was advised not to do that again. Still makes me chuckle. A good part of my time there was taken up by doctors appointments and time at the agency. I had not had any prenatal care, so that was in first order. The OB that the agency used was well versed in my situation and was very delicate and kind in his administering. I have to say that I was never made to feel bad or cheap or ashamed. They discovered I had a heart murmur and I had to get an EKG that eliminated all fears. I was taken care of very well and prepped for what was going to happen. We also started going to Lamaze classes. It was decided that Joan would be my coach and be there for the birth. We were very close by that time. Having gone though an entopic pregnancy and then a full hysterectomy, my labor would be the birth experience for us both. I was happy and honored to shared that with her. We did a really bad job of practicing our breathing, but duefully went to classes leaving ken home to care for Kari. And there was time at the agency. They had recently moved to a brand new office. In fact they were still unpacking when I had first arrived. I spent a lot of time with Jeanne, my pregnancy counselor. I still have a great fondness for her in my heart. Out of all the therapy I had had previously and even after, she alone did more to help me with understanding my mother than anyone else did. I know we talked about my baby, and what adoption would mean, the whole process. I know she discussed with me the options of parenting and how it was in my right to do so and receive public support of it. I know I was adamantly decided that adoption was the only way to go. I know we also discussed what I wanted for my baby, what was important to me as a mother and what would be important in choosing the adoptive parents. I know we discussed how to go about dealing legally with the issue of father’s rights. But what I do remember most was discussing my mom. The biggest issue was what I was going to do when I was done. Would I go back home and how could I deal with her since Mom was not in any contact with me at this point whatsoever. |
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